When shit happens, we're on top of it! Thats our story and we're sticking to it.

La Manzanilla survives end of world

La Manz. certainly lives a charmed life when it comes to avoiding disasters. Just like the hurricanes that never came ashore or the tsunamis that barely shifted the beer cans on the beach,  six oclock last saturday passed with the town still intact. For most, it was a sigh of relief that they were still alive and breathing, but for an unfortunate group of four it might well be the end of the world. They started early, apparently getting fucked up on some kind of mind altering substance, arriving at opening time at a local restaurant. For the rest of the day they ate and drank copious amounts, culminating in one large bill. These people were sufficiently fucked up to actually believe the world was ending, so this was their send off feast. A last supper as it were. They knew that they weren't going to have to pay the bill. However, as usually happens with these predictions, the world failed to end and the proprietor wanted the money. Their pockets were empty (and we assume their minds). They tried to make light of the situation with promises to pay in the future, (manana?)  but this did not amuse the owner. The cops were called, and they didn't find it particularly amusing either, having been woken up. The revelers were hauled out of town in the back of the pick up on their way to the La Huerta jail, where they will be guests until someone pays the restaurant bill and accumulated fines.

Don't leave home without it

Mexican Immigration officials were in town tuesday, and they appeared to be looking for specific individuals. The few gringos living here illegally, scattered like frightened children. Officers were, in fact, not stopping anybody, nor asking for papers. Instead, they alternated hanging out in front of two gringo owned businesses. As the day wore on, and neither business opened and their owners stayed away, the officers obviously got a little hot under the collar. As they were getting in their van, and looking like they were ready to leave, three gringo tourists walked by them coming from the beach. They were immediatly accosted by the frustrated officers, and asked for their papers. Of course just coming from the beach, no one was carrying them. When they said that they were at the hotel and they could go get them, they were informed that this was not good enough and the law stated that the carrying of immigration cards is required at all times. The three gringos were appalled and began to protest and even tried to hand over what money they had, hoping it was enough for a bribe, but much to there chagrin they were thrown into the van and driven away. As of this writing "the eye" has not been able to find out the fate of these unlucky folks.

Altercation in Cihuatlan

A local restauranteer was observed in the bodega store in Cihuatlan picking up frozen entrees and other supplies to serve in her restaurant, when all hell broke loose. Said restauranteer was ripping some poor stockboy a new ass hole because a juice container had a dent in it, and the whole store apparently needed to know about it. When questioned about it, the store manager just shrugged and said we call her the 'bruja de la manzanilla'. She carries on about something every time she comes in. We just think of her as a bad joke and certainly don't ever desire to even go to her restaurant. We just thank our lucky stars she lives there and not here.

 water priorities

With dust so thick you can cut it with a knife, everyone is waiting with great anticipation for the rains to start. There are various pools around town for when will be the first day. Hopefully that day will be soon as the wells that supply our water are dangerously low. So with the water being turned on less and less to conserve what we have, why are there frumpy old assholes out there wasting this precious resource just to keep their stinking lawns green? Grass is definately a crop that's totally useless and the watering of it during these times shouldn't be allowed. Like what they tried to do in stopping people from watering the streets to keep the dust down.

When shit happens, we're on top of it! Thats our story and we're sticking to it.

Dolphins fail to score at fish release

The fish pens located in the bay, where undersized red snappers are caged, (to hopfully grow to edible size) were retrieved Monday afternoon floating off of Blue Bay. The cage was released from its moorings by a rebel gang of dolphins, led by that infamous dolphin  "Notch". The cage floated off after its release, but the dolphins were unsuccessfull at getting the fish released from it. Local fisherman caught up with the cage, and towed it back and secured it to its mooring....Local fishermen 1      dolphins 0    red snappers less than 0.

Out of sight; Out of mind, but not out of smell

Ever since the storm drain/sewer stopped flowing the run off water, people have let the problem slip from their minds. Several have actually connected up. Now that the seasonal crowds have all gone away, and to limit the expensive electrical costs, the pumps have been cut back to a couple hours a day, a couple of times a week. So, if you are coming into town remember to hold your noses as you pass the sewer pump station... because... guess what? It smells like shit! And like we said "we are on top of it."

house review of the month

As we are now falslely believing we are getting up to speed, we hope to include different categories other than just news. hahaha, news. anyways, it appears that just about everything real estate wise is for sale here. So we just had to have a peek at one.

    This months house is brand new (!). Finished a few months back and built as a spec house. Located on the other side of the arroyo on a charmless viewless lot. Or this side of the arroyo depending on where you are. Identical lots are beside it. for future spec houses? Hopefully not identical.

    The house is a cavernous box. the rest of the walled in lot has space for a pool and patio. The down stairs is one huge open space with a kitchen area. Enough space for a dance hall. A spectacular spiral stair case ascends to the second floor. Would certainly look right in a vanderbuilt mansion, but possibly a bit much for here. This floor contains three rather unassuming bedrooms. All with baths, though not necessarily in-suite. At the top of the stairs is lots more room, or space. Where a grand piano would fit. Too bad about the stairs.

    Besides the pool and patio in the rear, there is also a bar built just under the stairway. It is here the design team may have melted down. Is the bar supposed to be inside or outside? There is nothing under the stairway in the way of a door or even a window. Just a large opening to the outside letting in anything that flies, walks,or crawls. The house has been 'tastefully' decorated to attract a certain kind of buyer. Rich and stupid.

    The price has been extravagantly set at a number that would cause many a sane person to break out in hysterics. If such a person lives here. It's not like La Manzanilla is known for being a hot bed of intelligence. It's a win win situation.

                                                other shit

      We expect to be consuming beverages next week.  Were (take note grammar nazis) gonna be back in a couple of weeks. burp. Maybe.

    susie - Fortunately, not every one you don't know is so massively consumed by their own racist guilt to have to take libelous stabs at you.

Does gringa refer to people from iceland?

    Apparently, the comment section works again. Supposedly, it matters. 

    Fuck off limpy hip john has fucked off, limply. We will miss your hip limpiness as you would greet us with the heart warming and hip 'fuck you.' Even now, i get all limpy when i write those hip words. So, on behalf of everybody here who really cares, a good "fuck off" to you.     

  

      

When shit happens, we're on top of it! Thats our story and we're sticking to it.

FREE PANCHO

In taking a tour of the newly constructed crocodrilario you snake through the mangroves on what will undoubtably soon be a rickety raised boardwalk. In passing you will notice that the boardwalk passes through an area where no crocodiles can be viewed. Until you come to the concrete enclosure. In here you see crocodiles. Behind the steel bars and the linked fencing of pad locked pens are two shallow cement ponds. One has about eight small to medium size crocs, refugees from another location.  The 2nd pen contains the pictured croc. His name is Pancho and this is his solitary confinement cel.  What is Panchos crime? Just being a crocodile. He once lived in Boca de Iguanas, where he was happy and fat lunching on what ever came by. His tactical error- too many pet dogs came by and he ate them too. Now, if a dog is so stupid as to run loose where they know there are hungry crocodiles, why should this croc have to pay?  They are, after all ...  duh, crocodiles. In todays atmosphere of protecting endangered species why are these kind of measures being takin just to protect a bunch of stupid dogs? Some of these are probably the same stupid dogs that slept as their owners houses were being robbed a short time ago.  However,if we instead find fault with the stupid owners of the stupid dogs, well... same argument.  Here at "The Eye", we want to see pancho released so he can return home and do what he does best... keep the stupid dog population down. We are also currently looking for ideas on combatting the ever increasing stupid dog owner population.



LLANTERO

You should never go out in the woods alone or ever go to méxico because the wolf will eat you or for sure you will get ripped off. Or both. I was carefully driving down a back street in Mazatlan when I ran over some heavy construction wire that put four holes in my front tire.  Help!  Call 911.  No call a llantero, one that fixes tires.  He arrives on time with his truck, compressor, long metal bars, rubber patches and lots of glue.  Fifteen minutes later the tire is back on and he wants 15 dollars. Ripped off again!  So I was able to talk him into $20

ESQUIMO PYE  

She recalls little. Nothing really. The fork offered only more confusion. Some vague (miss)-recollection of much booze, a bald man, more booze and possibly some vague discussion of desires..., or not. Which was it? It must be desires! Due to her connection to the earth. The earth mother coyote sister ...cat thing. She was, of course, empassioned and thus driven into public. Assailing an unfortunate amigo to ambulance her to the medicos. He does with much promptness and dust. The Doctor gives her a band aid and sends her off amidst much career soul searching. but she recalls little. And he recalls even less. Its like Clue - Esquimo Pye in the Billiard room with the fork. We may never know what happened. A dog bite, maybe? Precision mosquitos, barbed wire escape incident, fishing accident? We tend to side with the 'another routine day' explanation.



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