New fashion accessory to hit lamanz this season.
With the increased paranoia about ebola, this is likely to become a big hit this year. Local stores will be stocking supplies and savvy beach vendors will be making a few pesos by drawing little pictures on them. No ebola will be stopped but it may help with the numerous other airborne shite that emanates from out sewers. If nothing else one will clearly be able to tell the psycho paranoid from a good distance.
The well adjusted
Are you suffering from the winter blues? Feeling low? Lacking energy? Well, try out Lamanzanillactol. The new drug from Cockroche Industries. Possible side effects may include: inability to reason, lack of common sense, inflated sense of importance, tendency to racism, feelings that your opinions matter, inability to shut the fuck up. If you, or any of your ilk, are afflicted with these irritations, please see your doctor immediately. Back at home.
but does it rhyme
Art fails to change the world ...again. Local writes poem to stop thefts. How many cracked out thieves actually read? And does some flippant assessment of drug abuse (just say no) help anybody? We have yet to hear someone state "oh my god you're right , what have I been doing. I will stop and get a honest job right now. It was the poetry that helped me see the error in my ways." Police will now be equipped with Wordsworths' Lyrical Ballads.
save their shit
Dead peoples stuff. A new store is opening that will only carry the belongings of those that have passed on. Get a little piece of Joe or Bill or whomever's life. A cherished memory. A family heirloom (of someone else) Recycle! Reuse! Its a win win situation! And you don't have to loot at the funeral, which is considered bad taste, although few seem to realise that.
tit
After the first week or two of joyous bliss and the shedding of nob stress, so many of our pters slip into the old behavioural patterns that likely cause all the stress in the first place. They must think we are friends as no one would hurl insults like they do at people they don't know. All the behind the back chatterabuse (often to your face) has seemingly grown exponentially with each new arrival. We guess it's true- one shouldn't keep it in, but why save it up for the trapped locals?
tat
Why? You ask 'why'? It's obvious to us all who only visit. Oh you fters are so special aren't you? Been here, done it all, and tired and worn out from it. Buy a new shirt for Christ's sake! And those stains on your shorts... my god! You all are too relaxed and clearly need our help. You haven't even seen the beach in years and frankly have no clue about what is going on in the rest of the world. Did your knowledge stop when you crossed the border? The only sad part of coming here is seeing your wasted bodies still stumbling about. It pisses us off that with all the people dying every year- you all seem to survive.
duh duh duh dumb
The people are real, the cases are real, the decisions are final. Yes, the Judge Judy show was to be holding auditions for some specials to be broadcast right from our own little town. Unfortunately the overwhelming response by locals scared the producers away. They wondered how there could be more people applying than the local population, as well as the ridiculous number citing someone named 'ink' as the defendant. Auditions for 'The Real Housewives of La Manz' coming soon...
friends
a couple o' excerpts from lamanzapaedia
best friend - the poor bastard that suffers all the repercussions for someone else's outrageously pathetic behaviours. When you hear the words 'you're my best friend' the wise response is to get out of there.
real friend - What pters call fters when they arrive, despite neither knowing the others real full name.
my friend- the person who buys the beer.
awards
we are sure every one knows who is the most pathetic character of the year. we have mentioned numerous examples of his grand patheticness over the years and to be honest are sick and tired of relating the latest scam attempts. When will it end? Would some one please see them to the door? We feel we are letting others off the hook when we are continually being assaulted by this grand pathetic. So in order to move on, we will no longer give out the award. Just assume the same individual has won again. We are sure there will continue to be close seconds though, and will certainly dishonourably mention them.
In keeping though with end of year awards, we introduce the Ramses trophy which will go to the individual who in the face of truth and honesty still believes he is the gods' gift to women. It should be a tight race this year with at least 2 Canadians in the running and one American. The leading runners as we see them so far, include the pea souper who has been at it for years now and despite the perfect record of failures still carries on. Despite not being able to see his own penis, he continually obeys its sickest wants. Which is usually your daughter. The other Canadian, uses his aboriginality to stun the local female population. That and his boobs. It must be the 'medicine' that firms up his hopes. The lone American employs drugs to delude both himself and the poor saps who may run into him. Poor mainly in that they always end up footing the bill. We are sure there are others but will leave it to the commenters to add to this ever expanding list. Good luck, or watch out, depending on your gender.
Due to the passing of a number of our writers over this last year and a bit, the eye has been forced to downsize. (We heard that!) Interesting enough none of the them had anything of worth to put in the store and certainly won't be adding any more to this spewage. The rest of us say good riddance. You weren't funny anyways and kept repeating the same themes. Hmmmm, we guess prose changes nothing as well. Nonetheless, if you have a tale, or an idea, email us.
the last ride
Woe is the gringo plight. Due to what we guess is a feeling of a lack of appreciation for organising one day to give appreciation to the Mexicans for their hospitality (the running line), the rodeos' gringo day has died . Rest in narcissism. Clearly not enough thanks have been given to the thankers. Or not enough money has been made by the givers. Rest assured this will in no way diminish the feelings of grandiose self importance that so many of the gringos feel. And who knows, some schmuck may still ride in on his white horse (or ness) and save the day. For every day must be gringo day.
