Three years ago, our enthusiastic staff started this project only to find out that no one had enough computer skills to put it out. Now, with the addition of our new staff member, everything has changed and we're back on track, we think!
Traffic stopped on hwy 200
Hwy 200 was blocked briefly friday when traffic got so backed up in La Manzanilla that it overflowed on to 200. The federal transito cop who got traffic flowing again said "I've never seen such a fucked up situation as the traffic flow, or lack of, that could cause this kind of back up". He also said, "most of these drivers are assholes and couldn't drive their way out of a soggy taco, and that doesn't help either".
With the aid of the federales, 200 kept flowing, but the backup in town, starting at the cross streets by the beach was beyond sorting out. The one traffic cop, thats all there was, was beyond himself, almost to hysteria for lack of a fix. Meanwhile out the road by the Porky's sign people where starting up parking lots with shuttle service down to the beach. It turns out the makeshift parking lots were the fix. With the lots full , there was manuvering room to undo the mess.....3 hours later.
No reprieve, he's coming back [insert maniacal screaming]
That grumpy old fart who's always cradling a beer bottle around town.....is leaving town! Whats up? Back here less than a year, and already leaving? There has been some speculation that a winfall real estate deal is going to come to a final fruition in the casinos of Las Vegas. However, here at the "Eye" we weren't quit sure, so we checked into it....and in some not exactly on the record interviews, we have learned the true motives of this sudden departure. During the last many months he has managed to insult, bad mouth, or otherwise belittle everyone in town. A few days ago he said:
"I'm out there just giving my neighbors shit up down and every which way, and all he did was look back at me with a big shit eating grin. I look at him, and he back, and then I realise that this is almost the exact bad mouthing I gave him just six months ago. Wow! I think, I've already pissed everyone off and now i'm starting over........I guess i'd better get out of town, so when I get back I really can start over".
Eat your hearts out
With lots of folks gone for the season, the matronly (?) old hens that weather out all year round here, are in a quandry has what to do. With gossip down to a minimum, they have come up with a brilliant idea......A Competition! Since most already resemble the north end of a south bound bus, the fat ass competition has come about. A gateway one meter wide has been set up in a local watering hole, and the first contestant that can't fit through without touching both sides will be the winner. There will be two wagers available to the general public with the winner of the competition collecting half the pot. #1 wager will be the first not to fit, you bet on your favorite. #2 wager will be the date that the first person doesn't fit. The contestants are estatic : comments have been heard like"no longer do I need to feel guilty about laying around watching tv and eating junk food, now I can do it all day long". Another said "no more walking for me, I'll ride the scooter everywhere, even to the bathroon if it will fit". And of course several were grinning wide, knowing they can consume all of the alcaholic beverages they can hold. It sould be a very interesting competition, check the message board for further betting instructions.
From our poet laureate
Bowdan had a pretty white ford ranger
decals of ghosts adorned the rear glass
with high mileage it seemed close to danger
for him it was time to sell it at last
Just dave really needed more transportation
much like he needed a hole in his head
the truck so nice he succomed to temptation
and found himself handing over the bread
Jimmy convinces dave to sell his new wheels
and bobby does fancy jimmy's old truck
soon everyone is agreed and makes their deals
and with two cars dave is no longer stuck
since both vehicles reside in the others' town
an exchange needs to be worked out
bobby will drive the new ranger down
then buy the other, and turn about
bobby takes gail and they set off together
speeding through manzinillo like a couple of loonies
but here one wrong turn leads to another
and three hours later they're lost in the boonies
arriving back with tails 'tween their legs
they set off the next day with determination
past manzinillo and now zihautanejo begs
'cept the clutch, goes on permanent vacation
after repairs and many a bus ride
the intrepid two are on their way and yet
forty clicks further south do they glide
until the truck blows a head gasket
expensive repairs and many more busses
the truck to la manzanilla does return
the fix, it sucks... and the truck still misses
so now it's the local mechanics concern
repairman to repairman it does go
and finally one says he can fix it
after much time and lots of pesos
its back and still runs like shit
full circe
After a few months of looting and pillaging the local singles community the circe has finally departed to parts north. Gone, but not forgotten, as her maniacal tequila infested rants have become part of the local lore. The behaviour is now an excuse used by others. "Well im not as bad as...." is coming into regular usage. Numerous local folks are still scratching their heads in amazement at the temerity of the statements made. Most people soon realized that it was not their job (nor within their finances) to support the lunacy despite claims to the contrary. Probably using the phrase 'may the bridges i burn light my way' local singles were driven into hiding. It wasn't until it was discovered that other communities had desperate singles with money to burn and booze to swill as well that the fear started to subside. "Thank god for Melaque." one friend of an adorer said after seeing the gaping chest wound on his buddy. Like frightened mice, the local singles are only now slowly creeping out of their hide outs, praying that circe has departed and wondering if it is safe to bring out their booze again. And yet strangely still in love with her. Clearly up for a pathetic character of the year award (both the circe and her followers), although there is still 6 weeks left and we've learned never to underestimate the amount of whack jobs that come through this town. Unfortunately some local singles have been having recurring nightmares and, as usual, local health authorities are at a loss as to what to do about it. A self help group is in the works. "Hello, my name is dave and ive had a circe experience..." may well be a recurring phrase in the months to come. On the other hand we are going to miss her, you just can't buy that kind of entertainment. Well actually we guess you can, we can't.
