New enterprise starting up. We fully expect this to be the first of a fleet.
smarkass
"it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosophers salary"
Lamanz has lately been blessed with a visit from the smartest man in the world. (again) Sure, you might say you haven't been around lately so how is it possible? Well, he told us. Also mentioned numerous times and at nauseam.. was a brief tryst with some poor local woman who probably had been bamboozled at first by his use of three syllable words, though according to him, it was his fantastic sexual prowess (that he had kept to himself for the previous 10 years). Interestingly, despite his claimed Kama Sutra-like skills, the local woman has been vainly attempting to distance herself from any reminder of what more likely may have been one drunken night. This led into him accusing one and all of ignorance beyond anything imagined. His social theories seem to evolve from the notion that the US is the womb of all civilisations on earth and nothing existed before it. You would be a mindless fool to think otherwise. And if you are not God-fearing, gun toting American you simply wouldn't understand. This thin clone of alex jones spent all his time here beering and spouting the theories he has garnered from the Internet. Clearly lacking any listening skills (whatsoever!!!) he has stated loudly and drunkenly that all here are raging imbeciles unworthy of his divine presence. Fortunately for us idiots he has returned to his native land for a few months. Let us enjoy our idiocy in peace.
mud sliding
"guests, like fish, begin to smell after 3 days"
the continuing story of the gentrification of La Mansionilla
At the bar.
Carlos- Oh shit here comes trouble.
Elmore- What the fuck are you talking about?
Carlos- It's Two, and she's heading this way and doesn't look happy.
Two storms in
Two- I can't find my bikini bottom, Did I leave it here?
Carlos -(gagging) No, I haven't seen it, it's not here.
Bob - (Looking up from his computer) You had it on yesterday when you came out of the water. I remember you putting your skirt on over it so it probably isn't here.
Elmore- So where the fuck did you end up this morning?
Two- I was at home and don't give me any shit.
Bob- So how did you get home? Did you stop anywhere after here?
Two- I don't remember. And you don't give me any shit either. Carlos can I have a bloody Mary?
Bob- Hey Elmore I just got an email for you.
Elmore- So who the fuck would be sending me a fucking email?
Bob- It's Lenard, he's flying in in two days and wants you to pick him up at the airport. He says he'll buy all the beer.
Carlos- Holy shit. Lenard will be here in two days. I've got to get this placed cleaned up.
Elmore- You had all fucking summer to clean this place up, but you were too fucking lazy. Now you're going to have to fucking hire someone and pay them out of your own fucking pocket. You can also tell fucking Lenard that there is no fucking way I'm going to any fucking airport. Fuck him.
Bob- Here use my computer and tell him yourself, he's probably still on line.
Elmore - You know full fucking well that I don't fucking know shit about fucking computers. You fucking do it and I will buy you a fucking beer.
After a few moments.
Bob- Okay Elmore, here's your reply. Lenard says he's bringing a bunch of goodies down and the extra charges are more than the ticket. So he needs your truck. Besides the beer, he says he will throw in a hooker.
what's in a name
"one fish two fish red fish blue fish...say what a lot of fish there are"
The local chapter of the house of Dave has announced 3 new members. Chatty Dave was proud to add that that brought their total to 34. Clearly the highest name count not counting the locals. The new nicknames will be Can´t stop reliving my childhood Dave, Ogles thirteen year olds Dave and Arrogant bastard Dave. In order to avoid the predictable confusion, a new policy will be implemented wherein all Dave's will be wearing labels starting in November. Not to be out done, Itsallaboutme Linda from the house of Linda has announced a similar policy change."one fish two fish red fish blue fish...say what a lot of fish there are"
ink on a gentleman's agreement
"if the fish had not opened its mouth, it would not have been caught"
"I will pay you 10,000 pesos a month until its paid off. I can't afford 10,000 so I will pay you 500 a week. no, wait, 500 a month. Actually, since my kid totalled it, I never said I would buy it. You actually...uhmmm, 'rented' it to ...uhm- my kid. Where is it now? Uhm... i sold the wreck of that quad that you sold me, oops, rented to my kid. No, wait, I didn't sell it, someone just came by and picked it up from out in front of my place. It wasn't in your name anyways, and who's going to pay for the injuries to my kid after he drove off the cliff. There wasn't any insurance, how can you 'rent' a vehicle without insurance? And uh, maybe like er there aren't any papers for it. And he almost died from that scraped knee and nobody cares." You are way out of line expecting me to keep a deal. I'm going to drive off now in my new Saturn. I'm putting in a new pool after the garage is finished. That's my story and I'm sticking to it until i have to change it in order for it to make more sense."
Canadian bar owner tries to lure in any customers with special topless bar pitch. Mentions it to his Mexican employee who misunderstands the concept. Still, magically doubles clientele to 4.
Castles4U
"all men are equal before fish."
"all men are equal before fish."
It's been another slow summer news-wise, but a couple of new gringos have settled in with the idea of starting up a business. Oh boy, not another one. Fortunately, it's not another restaurant. What they propose to do has caught our attention though, and we think its worth reporting on. We do have all the time in the world. We were also asked to mention it. Amazing what can be accomplished for one cold beer. The name of their new enterprise is Castles 4U. Quite simply, they will be building small livable castles to fit on the only 'lots' left in town.... the sides of the mountains. They believe that there should be a market with the newer waves of retired upper-crusty gringos coming down. They will want something small and manageable but still with the visual oomph to outdo the neighbours.
They have come up with a generic design which can be finished to the customers wishes and is easily adaptable to most hillside locations. They also have a number of other innovative ideas they say. They have given us some of the sketches of the basic plans (see below) which we can't make heads nor tails of, but maybe you can. They assured us that anyone with some rudimentary plan reading skills can figure it out. Good luck. Maybe, with all the castles springing up on the hillsides we can become the Bavaria of Mexico. And what's better in a fish bowl than a castle?
