The space

Brownies and bridge

    The last duplicate bridge game of the season was held a short while back at Martins', as usual. Nothing else was usual about the event. One player brought a plate of brownies that was given to her by a neighbor. They were well received initially by most of the participants, who ate one or two before play began. No one suspected that the brownies had been liberally laced with marijuana. As play proceeded, arguments erupted and several partners almost came to blows, as one bone-head bid or play was made after another. The serious straight laced players and the stodgy director all who didn't eat any brownies were beside themselves at the deterioration of play. The rest of the players were enjoying themselves immensely, although most had become unaware of what they were doing. At one table a bid of eight no trump was bid, and made. (an impossible feat). This caused the director to go ape-shit and cancel the whole game. Most players didn't give a shit that the game was over and proceeded to order rounds of margaritas and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon.

Locals and gringos

    The gringo has piles of stuff. The locals have stuff in piles. The gringo sits on their patio watching the sunset, the local cleans the patio. The gringo has a suv, 3 bikes a quad and ample parking. The local  piles the whole clan on one vehicle. When faced with an issue the gringo whines and complains to officials, the local deals with it. The gringo spends money in gringo establishments. the local is rarely given service (or is giving it.) The gringo buys, the local sells .(the gringo consumes , the local produces) Gringos sweep the dirt off the floor, locals sweep the dirt floor. Clearly a joke, gringos don't sweep. Gringos act weird and smell funny. Locals smell weird and act funny. The gringo has nice pretty clean manicured yards to look at. The locals use their yard. The gringo puts on some quiet music, all locals quiet music is when the volume is at 9.

Stupid? Don't worry

    Finally after years of study the Mexican government is  ready to implement a nation wide program to deal with the ignorance of tourists here. No longer will the tourist need to find a safe place for their brain while in the country. Statistics for the year 2009 show that over 74% of tourists lose their brain while in the country resulting in unbelievably ignorant behaviours. Due to their remarkably small size most are never recovered as they tend to look like dried up dog shits on the side of the road. In most cases the loss isn't even noticed for years, if ever. So, starting this October all points of entry into Mexico will have brain claim areas (BCAs). Tourists will simply leave their brain at the entrance point and recover them when they leave. This at first was thought to be a monumental task with the sheer numbers of tourists visiting each year, but brain scan technology has shown the tourist brain to be only a fraction of the size of a normal brain. Really the equivalent of a gerbils. Thus questions about storage space has been solved. Manzanillo airport for example will simply have a small kiosk. Tourists will be required to fill out some forms and provide a self addressed stamped envelope in case they forget to pick up the item upon departure. this cost will be minimal as most tourists' brains can easily slip into a standard envelope and do not weigh more than a couple of grams. Tourists will be given cards to carry with them in case of difficulties. although the exact wording has yet to be decided it will be something like "i am a tourist, my brain is at such and such airport. Concerns about a black market rent-a-brain system growing has been allayed since no tourist ever has tried to get one.

Reduce Reuse Recycle

    Man found in garbage dump recycled and reused in Lamanz. Why would any one throw away a perfectly good human thought the garbage truck guys. Sure he's gringo but clearly still capable of movement and speech. This event caps a week of finding humans in local dumps, though this is the only one that managed to get out alive. After a good scrubbing and some clean clothes the project seems to be functioning fine. And after interviewing him it is clear this guy is one of the wisest people to come along in decades. He has obtained gainful employment and has yet to make a "point" of himself. It's good to see the community going green.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

    The day after two small but discernible tremors, the towns latest wanna be clown tried his hand at playing chicken little. Cruising the town telling everyone that would listen to him that there would be a mega quake that day and that he actually knew the magnitude. Needless to say his abilities as a would be seer is in inverse proportion to his abilities as a clown.  

Fred's Angels. The Boca connection: episode one, intro.

   "Once upon a time there were 3 little girls who went to La Manzanilla."

Background theme music: na nana na na na na nana.

Imagine the angels sitting in the local gringo bar, working out (at least with one arm), and stumbling out at last call.


    "And they were each assigned various hazardous duties."

Imagine the Angels sweeping the street, watering the street and finally passed out in the street.


    "But i took them away from all that   and my name is Fred."

More musical background. The smart one speeds along on a motorcycle with a bottle in her hand. The blonde shakes her hair, runs, shakes her hair and plays tennis. (though poorly as its hard to hold a beer and play tennis.) The brunette runs, shakes her hair, shakes her hair and puts on a hat. Boozely  offers up a box (likely of funny brownies) and sucks up for a feel.

The Angels are all posing around Boozelys office. Or hung over and sprawled out.

Fred: (on the phone) Good morning Angels.
The smart one: Good morning Fred.
Fred: This Mexican plated motorcycle (Boozely clicks on image) went off the road to Boca. (Boozely clicks on image) Our client wants to find both the motorcycle and the stash.(another image) Your assignment is to locate the driver and find out where the bike may be. And if there is in fact any stash left.
The blonde one: Will we see you in Boca Fred?
Fred: Not fuckin' likely I live on the hill. In fact right now I'm watching the beautiful scenery (cut to overweight puta removing clothes)
The brunette: So, what are we to do?
Boozely: Okay, Jill, you are to go undercover as a snobby American looking for a place to rent.
The blonde one: I think I can do that.
Boozely: Yes, its not really a stretch. Now, Kelly, you go undercover as a drunken Canadian who needs a fix.
The brunette one: That should be easy.
Boozely: As you are.
The brunette one: Excuse me?
Boozely: Er, here drink this.
The brunette one: Oh thank you Boozely. Now what was i saying?
The other two: What about us?
Boozely: Okay okay. (passes the bottle to them). And Sabrina, you go undercover as a smart assed Quebecer wanting a lot for nothing.
The smart one: A Quebecer?
Boozely: Yes, there from Canada but they think they know EVERYTHING, like an American. They also speak a kind of french, and drink wine copiously.
The smart one: I can do that.
Boozely: I know, its kind of type casting. Okay, Kelly here's the number of a cab. Jill, you just demand a ride from some Mexican and Sabrina, you drive the motor home. Now, get out there Angels!
The smart one: Why are we always going undercover?
Boozely: Obviously you haven't seen a mirror in some time.
The Angels smile and nod in agreement.


cut to commercial.

 Jose armario?

    One of the big double cheeses of a huge restaurant chain was recently seen scouting out property close by the hiway exit to Lamanz. Jose's parents have lived in Villa Obregon for years so he personally has an attachment to the area. The parents were already announcing the cleaning contract. Details on the plans are sketchy at this point but a RV and water park are in the talks. Apparently the schedule for opening will be the tourist season only. The rest of the year it will be empty until the local 'maintenance ' guys show up a week before the opening. When asked about details, Jose claimed to be  Armando Joasario and not Jose Armario. A  stylized M tattoo was supposedly spotted on his ankle later that night on the beach, but this is unsubstantiated at this time.

Budless

    Well Bud came and went. In about an hour. (just like the beer) The locals and the remnants of the tourist trade were all  prepared this time, especially after last years debacle. The residents of Boca had all belongings raised at least four feet off the ground. The river bed was dug out and fortified. All items that could be washed away were tied down. The fishing boats were all parked down town. The alerts scared folks silly, many fled. The loud speaker in the jardin warned those within two blocks of the coming catastrophic hurricane. In the end about two inches of rain fell, which is good as we at least don't have to listen to nobs tossing accolades to goebbels.