The following contains immature material, viewer discretion is advised.
paradise lost
As part of their anniversary celebration Rick and Phyllis are returning to Lamanz, the place where they met so many years ago. With them for the ride is another couple they met on the plane who are also heading to Lamanz. On the ride in from the airport Rick comments that things haven't changed much over the years, the airport looks the same and the rental cars have the same tires, judging by the lack of threads. Phyllis explains to the hitch hikers that she and Rick met in Lamanz when they were both on vacation. They fell in love and had their wedding the following year on the beach.
"We were just gaga over the place and bought a lot with plans on building our dream retirement home.... then the economy took a shit. and so did our plans. We couldn't even sell the dam lot, there were no takers. So we ate it. Who knows we still may own it." This will be their first visit back since those years and as they pass Cihuatlan and Melaque Phyllis agrees that very little seemed to have change except for the kioskos and oxxos on every other corner.
As they approach Lamanz they notice the familiar mass of blue signs with symbols of the services and attraction to be found. Rick does a double take and slams on the brakes. much to the terror of the bus driver behind who just manages to miss them. There, along with the signs picturing knives, forks, palm trees, and beds is a pyramid. Rick pondered over the concept of an archaeological sight in Lamanz. He had never heard of such a thing.
After they check into the hotel and settle in, they head out for the beach for the much anticipated margarita. As Rick leaves he asks the desk clerk about the ruins. The clerk says they are mostly located on the hill behind them but they are all over town. Rick asks the clerk what ancient civilization had lived here as he didn't remember any signs about it last time he was here. The clerk explains that the ruins weren't quite ancient but the government thought them significant enough to declare them an archaeological sight. They believe that in the future the sight will be of interest and they better preserve it now. Rick was still bewildered and asked again what culture the ruins represented. "There's no culture really, a sub culture maybe," the clerk responded. He went on. "They are examples of the latest turn of the century homes of the gringo interlopers who came down to take over the place and civilize it. Just look up when you go out. If you want to do a tour there's Juan at the taco shop who does them. He does commentaries and histories of the various sites. He's quite good from what I've heard. Cheap and he speaks some good English." Rick thanked the man and went out of the hotel.
When Rick hit the street and looked up, what he saw shocked him. What used to be a hillside with plentiful multi-coloured homes was now a massive tangle of various vegetation growing around over and through decimated concrete shells of structures long since emptied. Rick had to know more so after dinner that night they booked a tour with Juan for the following morning.
Juan was banging on their door at the requested time with machete in hand, all ready to go. Phyllis and Rick have invited the couple from the plane to come along. Rick is surprised when they head across the road to the beach. but Juan explains that this is a more scenic approach and there are beach ruins as well. Juan begins his tale of the great downfall. It began the year when the world economy went down the toilet. It left almost everybody in financial dire straights. also that year we had the summer of non stop rain, which washed practically everything away. It washed out roads electrical services and a few houses. The rains devastation was major. All mountain roads were wiped out. The houses on the hills were inaccessible and the towns' streets were impassable. Few people had the finances left to deal with this major problem and simply never came back. Some scraped together a plane ticket, came down, surveyed the situation and with empty pockets ended up selling what they could and departed with the words 'fuck it.' Then another blow came with the moderate quake the following year. This brought down the houses that were already undermined by the rains. Take a look at this place up on the right as an example of the cheaper built places. You can see the roof came down where a supporting column gave way. The whole place is shaky but you can see that it's still occupied by some brave squatters. They start to head up off of the beach and towards the hills and the main part of the walk. They quickly reach the end of a street that once went up the hill side.
From there a vaguely visible rugged path meanders its way up. Juan takes the lead hacking away at the brush with his machete as they start their way up. Juan points out various ruined structures that can be seen poking through the thick vegetation. He states how the path was once a paved road. After a strenuous climb they arrive at the first site on the mountain part of the tour. They are told that this is the best vista of the tour and offers the best views of the ruins. Juan tells them that someday an information board will be located at this site with info on all the ruins. Juan clears a spot for a better view and photos. There ahead. perched on the side of a cliff, is what's left of a large mansion sticking up out of the lush vegetation, with what once was a million dollar view of the ocean below. The structure seemingly comes straight out of the hill and then just breaks off dangling over the precipice, held together by a few rusty pieces of rebar. Juan explains that when the deluge hit, water and mud came cascading down the hill side burying the rear of the house in mud and debris. The water channeled around both sides and completely washed out the soil in the front of the house. Apparently the builder forgot to put in a foundation. The unsupported weight of the structure caused it to break off like you see there. Believe it or not there used to be a swimming pool in front where there is nothing now. It was badly undermined with the rains and then the quake finished it off. After everyone had taken photos the group carried on around the hill onto an even more overgrown trail towards the next site.
They could see the next big mansion ahead just before having to cross a narrow path perched on the side of a large wash out. This mansion, Juan tells them, is owned by an extremely rich gringo who has managed to keep the place reasonably maintained in the hopes of someday moving back. Where you see the damaged side wall there used to be another house attached. The washout we just passed is an arroyo that turns into a waterfall in heavy rains. When the contractor built the second house the arroyo wasn't obvious until he started excavating. A field engineer gave the go ahead and he got it built. So, it doesn't really matter how good an engineer you are, it's not a good idea to build in an arroyo. The rest of the places here and those we will encounter on the way back down are either dangerously undermined or filled with mud and mother nature has reclaimed the whole thing. They pass down an extremely steep trail that Juan tells them was also once a paved road. They then proceed back up again on what is the only maintained road in the area although not very long. When they get to the top Juan has them look over the side. Far down below they see the smashed up ruins of numerous homes. Juan explains how they used to be here where they are standing and that all were seriously undermined by the rains and then came down like a row of dominoes with the quake. He mentions how one apparently did a somersault on the way down. He points across the road to an overgrown embankment and tells them that it used to be the site of another large house, erected by unscrupulous builders who sat it on the top of loose fill and rubble. It all washed away in a heart beat when the torrents came.
This marked the end of the tour and as they headed back down Juan explains how in the future he hopes to have more trails cut so they get to some of the other sites of what was once "gringo gulch"
Burning bits
Bra burning hits Lamanz. We've also heard that there is this fun new band called the Beatles. Anyways, supposedly three people suffered back problems from having to lean so far down to light the things. Next year be here for the spectacular adult diaper torching event.
Walk of shame
The inventor of the (gasp) wall hanger, or dog shit holder, or stair master and other self proclaimed wonderful people will now have a special day to go on and on about their spectacularness. An addition to the art walk has been added and will be called the know-it-all arrogant ass walk. (KAAW!) On this day you will be able to visit many of the local airbags, and personally hear about their greatness. Note: climbing is required as most of the walk is up hills. A card will be given out (for a fee of course) with a list of the know-it-alls and a map. A card turned in with the most signatures of the know-it-alls will win a prize. A group therapy de-briefing session will be offered to any who turn in a card with 3 or more signatures.
"I like to watch" Chauncey Gardener
We are so excited to hear about the piece of beach cam. Now we can only hope that the masses of dull watchers that infest the little town every year can just stay home and watch. There is no need anymore to book flights, announce your impending arrival, and then to actually show up. Just stay home and turn on the machine. Nothing for years has so loudly proclaimed stay home as this. Technology, thank you.
