dining dancing and pissing

cant get enough

    A charitable event became a food shovelling competition earlier this season. Hors d'oeuvres were brought out and it was like a farmer calling suey to bring his pigs to the trough. People shoved pushed and clawed their way for space at the table, so that they could inhale the tasty morsels. From serving dish to mouth with lightening quickness and the second hand coming up just as fast to make sure the mouth never emptied. Folks looked like chipmunks with their cheeks stuffed. this display of gluttony is almost unrivaled by starving people in Africa when the relief truck drops off a bag of rice. Despite the dress and appearance of non chalant affluence it was obvious these people were hell bent on getting their entree fees worth.

who would have thunk it?

    The monthly talent show with new talent performing turned into a rollicking foot stomping melee of dancing fools. With the most unlikely of people leading folks into the frenzy....... Lamanz's own beer toting grump.

  better than thou

    It seems a few too many local blank folks have this belief that they are superior to certain individuals in our community. The acting out behaviors towards these unfortunates as they were is quite staggering in its abuse and defamement. and why are these poor buggers so ostracized abused miss used debased and threatened? well, only because they are here 'illegally'. though one can logically argue that no one is illegal, logic is not a part of these snobs attitudes. they appear to believe that because certain individuals are walking a legal tight rope  they can then treat them like street dogs. numerous occassions have seen these poor folks hiding because another blank ass from up north wants to power trip on them. strangely a pretty consistant behavior for those with no personal control or power of their own. and god forbid the poor illegal not suck the asses of these prima donnas for they then will at least be threatened with phone calls to immigration and possible deportation. this goes on all the while these same said blank asses go on about community building. truly pathetic.

LaManz makes dictionary

    In this all encompassing world of the Internet, there must be folks who do nothing other than monitor everything on it. This must be the case for the people who compile the complete dictionary of the English language. this is because the newest word to be entered into their dictionary made its world wide debut on Lamanz's infamous message board. Apparently they were so impressed by this new word they contacted its inventor for a definition. The word and definition were readily accepted and will be included in their 2013 edition. Thus the word 'dildonic' is part of the English language.

its so hot

    The newly arrived and not so newly arrived folks are bitching about how hot it is. It seems pretty ironic that they come all the way from the frozen north to get away from the cold only to complain about the heat. They should have studied a bit of geography before leaving to realize that Lamanz is in the tropics. And by definition the tropics is the 'hot' zone between the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn. (approximately 23dsegrees north and south of the equator) The words hot zone should be a complete give away as to why it is hot here at 19 degrees north latitude. 

Thar she blows

    fortunate for many who missed the Los Ingenios rodeo a couple weeks back. as the list of injured is still to be determined. most wont even be counted as they utilize a denial defence. we have heard of three caballeros who are still suffering blindness. the medical authorities say its a mental issue as they are all  physically okay. As far as can be determined that is the extreme end although there are still many missing, and the true extent of the damage may never be known. one witness said he was just going down to the creek when he saw it. "it was horrifying and big and white like the moon."   We asked for more details but the witness ran screaming down the street.Further investigation led to stories about the outlandish behavior of some gringa, drunk and unaware that the creek was not a bathroom nor does it have doors

sliding mud cont.

scene 3 continued. Annabelle and Wilma continue to bitch away. Buck enters the restaurant and joins them at their table.
Buck- Good morning ladies and how are you this fine morning?
Annabelle- Whats with you, get a new squeeze?
Buck- That I did. The woman who bought the place below Gary and Denise's. I went over to see if she needed any help getting her place straightened up. It turned out she is one horny bitch and wants me for the season. That's her shiny new SUV over there, which is mine whenever I want it. This is going to be one good gig. I should be moving in by next week.
Wilma- Jesus Christ, Buck, she must be 70. You sure aren't too particular about how you get by
Buck- Shes only 67, and you know how these older women like to have some young stud on their arms, escorting them around. Besides the benefits are great.
Annabelle- You might just have an overinflated opinion of yourself, young stud indeed.
Buck- Well I'm a lot younger than the bulk of this geriatric bunch. Anyways I got to go, just out to get some coffee.

    Meanwhile, back at the bar Carlos enters.
Elmore- Where the fuck have you been? You've got thirsty fucking customers here, fuck.
Carlos- Sorry guys, I had some things to do. What can I get you?
Elmore- You know damn fucking well what we want. Beer!, and fucking now. Now that fucking fat Bob is back why don't you give him a fucking key, he's here every fucking morning.
Carlos- I tried that last year. He doesn't pay for his drinks. He practically busted me , you realize how much that guy drinks?
Fat Bob- And why shouldn't I? I was doing your job.opening the place up, serving beer. I should be compensated. You get paid don't you?
Carlos- Yeah, but you really only served them to yourself.
Elmore- What's the fucking difference? He still fucking sells them.
Carlos- melchinga que dito. Hey Bob, That was some performance that Two put on last night wasn't it?
Bob- Oh Christ. I don't think I ever met a drunk as nasty and mean as she gets. She cussed us all out because no one would give her a ride home. When it was pointed out that none of us had a car, she cussed us out for that. I don't know how she got home but she was adamant she wasn't going to walk.
Elmore- How fucking come all you fuckers call her Two?
Bob- Elmore if you weren't so wasted all the time you would know.
Carlos- It's because her name is Annabelle and we already have an Annabelle so we called her Annabelle two which later became just Two.
Elmore- Oh that's right I fucking remember now.

Returning to the restaurant
 Buck leaves and passes Louise on his way out. Louise heads for Wilma and Annabelle's table.
Wilma- Louise, its good to see you. When did you get back? Come sit down grab some coffee and tell us how your summer was.
Louise-My summer was fantastic. That cultivating of medical marijuana has turned out to be profitable and rewarding.i just wished i could have brought some down with me. In fact I haven't been able to locate my regular source, Do you know where i can get some?
Wilma- I can spare you a couple of joints  but the stuff is pretty scarce right now.
Annabelle- You might try Carlo's down at the bar. He always seems to be able to come up with whatever you may want.
Louis- Good idea, thanks, and can I get those joints just to get me by until I score.

unsolicited stuff

   be nice he tried to tell them,  be cool, be smooth. be kind he came to sell them, 

 but they weren't buyin' any of that kind of shit, so they spanked him some and stuck him up on a stick

 a jesuscicle - paleta de jesus -  Bob Marley put jah in his pipe and played and prayed for peace,

 softly, strongly, long lovingly and hardly, so they made him sick, Lennon laughed and smoked and spouted,

all you need is love he spoke, love - he said, love is all you need - he shouted, so they punched a ticket to  ride

to heaven straight in his chest, well they cant keep killing all the Kennedy's and I'll stand with whoevers left

it's times like these when hell starts to freeze, we'll all soon be taken to the test, i say love rules,
 love conquers all, 

i so seriously suggest, i say it from the hearts of the highlands of Scotland, and the shores of old Mexico, it's time to awake 

to that which has long laid lost forgotten-love is the opening door-love is what we came here for 

princes and lords are but the breath of kings - an honest man's the noblest work of god -

and I'll leave you all with one more small refrain 

we've said it before, we'll say it again-if not us,who? If not now - when? will we love each other like there's no tomorrow 

can we love each other like there's no tomorrow

End of the world posting?

Beach and accompanying behaviors are back!!

    Corner taco wagon doing well.

    Excellent tacos at reasonable prices. The reopened corner taco mobile has been a big draw to many, including some of the nose in the air crowd. This particular corner however has the unsavory reputation as the hang out for the less than discreet town drunks. Despite the cheap prices there are still many refusing to go for fear they should be seen hanging out with those lesser types. Starting soon there will be a small premium placed on purchases between 12 pm and 2 pm, for the guarantee that none of the local riff raff will be present and polluting the scene. The extra money will be used to purchase cauguamas for them to take else where to consume. 

 Praying for old times

    With the latest wave of local violence and crime a number of folks are reminiscing about the good old days when this stuff never happened. Huh? The truth is this stuff not only happens now but has happened clear back to the beginning of ummm people. Hopes and prayers do absolutely nothing other than to aid people in not doing anything productive in the here and now. We should all expect another round of loud braying for more police. Hopefully not any more arrive. Police don't actually stop crime as much as respond to it. But at least there will be someone new to blame.

Illegal words

   Every day new overly sensitive points roll into town. Anxiously waiting for any verbal slip of the tongue, or the pen, to ferociously leap down the throats of anyone  using these taboo words. It seems the word 'us' has become a statement of racial prejudice rather that the plural possessive pronoun it really only is. And 'them' is clearly a statement of superiority and arrogance rather than the pronoun it is. Is there a fear of pronouns? Are points desperately trying to come to terms with their own questionable social views. Do they have problems with different cultures mixing? Have they got issues with certain parts of speech? Or is it simply some small minded sense of superiority? Describing the culture around us is becoming a dangerous effort. Admitting differences and even celebrating them will soon be a social crime in this town. The mantra of we are all the same detracts from the beautiful differences.

Fruits and nuts wanted

    Concerned gringos have been coming up with suggestions on ways to improve the quality of life here in Lamanz.  A plea to petition for the planting of food and nut trees along the roads in town so the towns hungry can thus harvest them for food to eat.(and quit bugging them?) A worthy suggestion if it weren't for the fact the town is teeming with food and nut trees. Many of which go completely ignored by the so-called starving masses. The sheer tonnage of locally wasted maya nut could feed half of Jalisco Probably a suggestion that would be better received would be the planting of candy and potato chip trees. 

    Another suggestion that has been brought up is to take the funds raised from one of the numerous gringo charitable events (that now seem to occur bi-weekly) and  buy an old flat bed truck. then mount a water tank on the back, so it can be used as a fire truck. Next year money will be raised for sirens and a spotted little dog. You never know when a wild fire will decimate some neighborhood.

    Another was to give the out of work folks gainful employment. Money would be raised to erect a monument in honor the gringo effort that brought Lamanz out of the dark ages. The idea is not only to honor themselves but by keeping people working they may be less inclined to rip them off.

mud slides

 the continuing gringo struggle to gentrify La Mansionilla.

Scene 1. On the patio of Wish Garfield's once luxurious beach front real estate office. Once luxurious, now a hollowed out  hole with a desk, computer and bed. Wish, Gary and Ian are discussing the seriousness of their situation.
Wish - If this economy doesn't turn around soon I'm going to be out on the street without a pot to piss in.
Gary- Why don't you give up this office and save on the rent. You can put that flea ridden bed in a small office too.
Wish- Aah, to get any significant savings I would have to move to some back street and in this cut throat business location is everything.  
Ian- Well, it's no more cut throat than building  houses although i think i may be the last one left. Everyone else has bailed and I haven't so much as dug a hole since I finished that last spec house for Gary, for which I'm still awaiting payment.
Gary- You'll get your money as soon as Wish here sells it. Right now I'm tapped.
Wish- Sure , just put all the blame on my shoulders Somehow people are realizing these spec places are crap
 as well as the whole town. They must be reading that shit crap blog.
Ian- You didn't think they were crap when you were making bundles selling them.
Gary- This is true. That fucking blog site has attacked me too. Saying as a developer I'm also to blame for all the shit construction around here.
Wish- Well very few knew how bad they were until that blog pointed it out. And they're also pointing out other disconcerting facts about this place which is making it look far from the pristine paradise we have tried to create.
Gary- We need to get those fuckers and run them out. My gardener has some nasty cousins who could easily persuade them to close up shop.
Ian- That's all well and good but we need to know who the hell they are first.
wish- It's amazing that a town that thrives on gossip and other peoples business has not discovered who is behind this.

Scene 2.  The kitchen bar of Gary and Denise's luxurious hill side mansion. enjoying the fine view and a glass of morning wine are Denise and her friend Wanda.
Wanda- Boy... that road up here to your house is horrible. It feels like the whole car is going to fall apart driving up here.
Denise- For Christs' sake Wanda quit your wining, that big ass SUV of yours is made for these kinds of roads. That's the problem with you people, you are just so damned spoiled expecting everything to be perfect.
Wanda- I don't like being referred to as 'you people'. I don't know where you Canadians get off thinking you are so superior.
Denise- Get over it, that's the way it is. We are.  Your whole country is turning into a plutocratic police state and you lose more and more freedoms every day.
Wanda- We are still free. Look at all the stores and merchandise we have to choose from.
Denise- Ummm okay then.. I don't want to argue. That is freedom, I'm sure, but speaking of shopping we have more important business to discuss.
Wanda- What could be more important than shopping?
Denise- To have the money to go shopping with. And between the two of us we have over 40,000 pesos to go out and shop, shop shop.
Wanda- 40,000 pesos? Where did we get that?
Denise- Remember a few years back we were the sewer committee and we coerced all those people to pay a pre- installment fee?
Wanda- Oh yes, the sewer. What a mess that turned out to be. I wish i hadn't got involved. I'm still getting heat over that one.
Denise- Well what i got to tell you will make it all worth it
Wanda- How so?
Denise- What do you figure happened to all that money collected? I don't want to shock you but there was nothing official about our sewer committee and the hook up fee was a scam.
Wanda- You mean we stole that money?
Denise- Well, not exactly stole, it's still in the bank, but enough time has passed now that everyone has forgotten about it. Especially with the sewer not functioning worth a damn.
Wanda- So you think we should take the money and go shopping?
Denise- Now you're getting the picture
Wanda- So Guadalajara or P.V.?

Scene 3 Fancy gringo restaurant with outside tables and fancy coffees. At one table sits Annabelle and Wilma
Annabelle- It sure is good to have this place open again. Its been a long summer without a good cup of coffee. The local stuff is bull shit.
Wilma - Its just too bad it takes the migration of all those loud mouthed gringos for it to open.
Annabelle- Now don't go cursing the gringos, they are, after all, your bread and butter. What would you do for cash if you didn't take care of their houses while they are gone?
Wilma- I know, but they sure can be a royal pain in the ass. Why didn't you do that? why didn't you do this? Why didn't you clean the shitter like i said to? And on and on, bitching about all my supposed short comings. Hell, the other night as I'm just settling in  to watch a video, and Ralph and Sophia come barging in, half drunk and deliriously happy to be back, and wanting to party. They never even considered that I may not be into partying or even slightly happy they are back. They stayed for nearly 2 hours, finished the tequila , and then started bitching about how I took such shitty care of their place.

Scene 4 - Carlos and sids Gringo beach bar. Fat Bob is planted at his usual table when Elmore come staggering in.
Elmore- Where the fuck is Carlos? That no good Mexican is never the fuck here. Whats he think, he owns the joint?
Bob- And a fine morning to you Elmore. You do know Carlos is a partner with Sid.
Elmore- Only on fucking paper. Sid just has him around to make it all look legal. shit. And where the fuck is Sid anyways? He should have been here by now.
Bob- Have you ever uttered a sentence without using the word 'fuck'?
Elmore- Not fucking recently.
Bob- Hows things up at the compound? Getting ready for the onslaught?
Elmore- Fuck, I've been busy. Like some one legged man at an ass kicking contest. And, that fuck Buck is moving out. He found some old slut to take for a ride.

to be continued...  in the next world if this one ends on the 21st.