In keeping with the Canadian cultural tradition of one store for every 5000 Canadians.
'there were nuts, nuts filling in the ruts in the store, in the store...'
'there were nuts, nuts filling in the ruts in the store, in the store...'
Well, they're back (officially- according to everyone's assessment...) kissing, hugging and telling each other how much they missed them- even though half of them are neighbours from up north- and of course, spouting, spewing and gushing the usual bull shit about how they spent their summers. Tis the season for those with a keen appreciation for the absurdity of life, to be in their element. The hills are alive with the sounds of clanking, clunking brains churning out schemes, in the name of being helpful or to otherwise belittle and upset the locals' way of life. All in the name of showing them the correct gringo way of living. The 21st century is getting its foot in the door here quick enough without a bunch of do-gooder gringos trying to speed it up. Some of these schemes are purely ingenious; seasoned comedy writers would be hard pressed to come up with this kind of material. Let's donate cloth diapers to all the young mothers, so the environment won't be befouled by all those shit-covered disposables. Their plan however, failed to provide for a method of laundering the said diapers. One can easily foretell that the environment will soon be soiled with shit-covered nappies (thanks to the street dogs who proudly move them about). Another plan, called for the planting, all over town, of fruit and nut trees so that, when they matured, the village hungry would have something to eat (although, one might notice that that's the case anyways.) One group, which set up various sales, promotional events, and sundry nonsense, with all profits dispersed to the needy (at least in their eyes), found themselves besieged by the so-called needy banging on their doors looking for handouts. "I need new clothes cause I can no longer get these around my ever expanding girth"...or, "my truck needs a (new) muffler." It got so bad they had to switch gears and started using their resources to help the poor down and out dogs and cats around town. Not surprisingly, donations increased and profits soared as the good gringo population of the town were far more sympathetic to the plight of these helpless beasts than its people. However this was short-lived as they were stepping on the toes of other more entrenched do-gooder gringos who had long ago staked out the dogs and were not interested in competition. A not-so-charitable rivalry began which almost came to blows until one group backed down. One can hardly wait to see what the next high-minded idea will be. Maybe, painted crosswalks to save lives? Its really amazing how many folks feel compelled to be part of the "community." The question is... what community? And are their motives to help or look magnanimous to their peer group. Or, are they just feeling a twinge of guilt- living here while displaying all the conspicuous consumption that is so at their hollow core? A black hole that sucks all in, forever. We may never know.
'there were flies, flies swarming round the pies in the store, in the store... '
Immigration officials finally get around to cleaning out the waste-of-our-time folks sponging off the other waste-of-our-time folks, who can never seem to get enough of all things amerikan. Or canuckian, for that matter. As one gringa was quoted "I make more money here than up north!" Is there going to be a future without pointless feel-good events for those who just don't feel good enough as it is, here in this haven of good feelings? (It would certainly make some feel good). Overhearing the latest plans by the pters to save this or run that (into the ground) or teach us all what is healthy, wealthy and correct makes one feeling rather sickly, poorly and wrong. And now they are being hunted down or prodded from their precarious pedestals. Scattering about like cock roaches they are desperately searching out a new shady shelter to hide their lucre. Will we be seeing community share programs opening up, or more likely bitcoin like exchanges. And the old 'donations accepted' ploy will surely be revived. Or even secret midnight reflexology workshops? And what about the church of flower pot painting?
We fully expect the messyboard messys to become more extreme. Such as: bano surprise. First time in years I've had a hard shit here... picture included. Why is it that so many folks need to publicly proclaim their rather minuscule opinion on some non-issue. It's like hiring the announcement truck to express one's personal view. Give thanks that they at least charge. Can you imagine.... attention attention- Linda nobody thinks its time to get dog poop off the beach, or Dave whofukincares thinks fireworks are loud.
Well, its happened again, another (!) sure sign of the start of tourist season. 3 or 4 gringos assassinating the Spanish language with what can only be described as a passion. We have heard a whole verbal interaction in Spanish. Okay, not a whole interaction but at least the first 2 or 3 statements. Then it's a blitzkrieg of half Spanglish gobble de gook that makes sense to neither the Mexicans nor the gringos. And yet... they carry on. 'mucho busy in canada.' ' No trabajor this ano.' ' I'm here for tres mesas.' For someone here trying to learn as much of the language as possible, this is cause for confusión or alarm. Or, for those finally hoping to speak some English, a serious letdown, as it's some espanolish gibberish ludicrousity.
For those that want more. After shaking our heads in disbelief, all that can be said is, send in your stories, notions etc to our email. We've run out of ideas and since we actually live in the wilds of Wisconsin, we don't know what's happening down there. Íf it wasn't for cuz'n Dave, or social media scanning, we truly would have no clue.
'There are nobs, nobs behaving just like slobs in the store, in the store...'
A local speciality store, catering to gringo tastes is in its hey-day with the return of its choosy clientele. Profits are up, but at a price- the putting up with whining cheap-ass gringos feeling forced to pay what they consider exorbitant prices, just so they won't have to eat like ugh Mexicans. The complaints are never ending... Some examples: the lawyer who threatened to sue unless properly compensated- it seems he is a vegetarian and bought a slice of vegi pizza to take home and eat. The unfortunate soul ate a piece of sausage that was accidentally on his fresh slice from the meat lovers' other half of the pie. To hear him rant and rave, it would seem that this was a near death experience. Then, there was the woman who returned a container of couscous she had bought the previous day saying it was no good. The proprietor took a taste and told her that there was nothing wrong with it, so what is the problem. 'Well" she said, "it doesn't taste like the kind I buy at Costco." As the season continues this kind of absurdity will thrive, again making us all wonder if it is really worth it? The answer of course is a resounding YES. The wealth of blog fodder that would be lost is too great.
'my brain is dim i must proclaim...'
We fully expect the messyboard messys to become more extreme. Such as: bano surprise. First time in years I've had a hard shit here... picture included. Why is it that so many folks need to publicly proclaim their rather minuscule opinion on some non-issue. It's like hiring the announcement truck to express one's personal view. Give thanks that they at least charge. Can you imagine.... attention attention- Linda nobody thinks its time to get dog poop off the beach, or Dave whofukincares thinks fireworks are loud.
'i have not brought my phrase book with me...'
Well, its happened again, another (!) sure sign of the start of tourist season. 3 or 4 gringos assassinating the Spanish language with what can only be described as a passion. We have heard a whole verbal interaction in Spanish. Okay, not a whole interaction but at least the first 2 or 3 statements. Then it's a blitzkrieg of half Spanglish gobble de gook that makes sense to neither the Mexicans nor the gringos. And yet... they carry on. 'mucho busy in canada.' ' No trabajor this ano.' ' I'm here for tres mesas.' For someone here trying to learn as much of the language as possible, this is cause for confusión or alarm. Or, for those finally hoping to speak some English, a serious letdown, as it's some espanolish gibberish ludicrousity.
'i have not brought... my ideas... with me!'
For those that want more. After shaking our heads in disbelief, all that can be said is, send in your stories, notions etc to our email. We've run out of ideas and since we actually live in the wilds of Wisconsin, we don't know what's happening down there. Íf it wasn't for cuz'n Dave, or social media scanning, we truly would have no clue.
