the crime of the scene

new public toilets to be installed around town

Welcome back.



every solution breeds more problems 

 

  Cracked out drug addicts invade local home. Fresh from their northern sentence, a couple of nobs were recently robbed at machete point in their own home in broad day light. Fortunately no one was hurt and the objects taken are easily replaced. Unfortunately the insanity of the drug induced actions of some of our locals is getting more and more 'in yer face'. With the casual acceptance of a known drug dealing house is it any wonder? Although certainly the house doesn't cause it. There has also been numerous other robberies and people finding strangers sneaking about and on their properties. Interestingly enough, these stories seem to not exist. We don't want to scare the tourists away, and we do live in heaven so it just cant happen here.  No, no, no. Needless to say, many rental suites will now come with some form of defence mechanism. dog, baseball bat, gun, or machete.

Vigilance pays off

there is always an easier way to do it

 

     Manuel sits everyday on the edge of the lagoon, out by the beach, perched on an old stump. Contemplating the universe we're assured. However, he is not just day dreaming. He's keeping watch, and doing a damn fine job of it too. As attested by a recent visitor from Melaque who was here for the day. As he was walking the edge of the lagoon on his way to the beach he was quite surprised and panic stricken when a fairly large croc made a quick exit from the lagoon and appeared headed straight for him. Before he could shit or get off the pot Manuel was there. Armed with a palm palapa and a coconut he adroitly intercepted the beast and diverted him away. The visitor made a hasty retreat. The croc however continued his assault, only now on Manuel. Snapping its jaws while attempting  to grab a leg, the battle raged. But Manuel was adept and skilled in the art of  palapa croc dancing. He kept him at bay, until he could get a well placed shot with the coconut. Finally he connected right on the crocs snout. This convinced the croc to return to the lagoon. As typical in the retelling of the story the croc grew in size from a meter to a whopping 5 meters and scooting across the beach at a amazing 20 to 30 k.m.h. Manuel does admit that it was no baby as he returned to his watch. A week later and it's all daydreaming as the lagoon was opened and Manuel is pretty well out of business. Of course, he warns us that he sees a lot of crocs swimming in the ocean. Likely an attempt to clean off a seasons worth of accumulated shit that has been encrusting them for a year. Palapa fronds are less effective in the ocean, so watch out swimmers.

Savouring the words

never sleep with one crazier than yourself

 

    With the sheer quantity of less than savoury characters in our midst it is interesting to note the arrival of the saviour of these losers. The @#%*# lawyer. The self proclaimed path of the deliverer has somehow brought him here. How and why we don't know, other than self congrats and a quiet place to finish his book and movie. Likely a Broadway show later on. The citizen unsavoury amongst us will find a man perfectly fit to defend the defenceless. If it's the same old argument, that they are nuts, then we do have a pack of wanting clients.

 The cure all for bug bites.

any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way 

 

    Finally. Well ya gotta bleach it, or put heat on it, or cold. Wait, sorry but it's lemon or salted something or other. Heating being optional. No, it's booze. Various application methods. I tell ya, its a loofah pad, Rub excessively and vigorously. Or better yet, shaving is the answer. No you simply  don't go out at dusk or dawn. In fact just remain indoors. Don't forget to wear burka type attire. I'm sure its various fruits and vegetables herbs and spices, applied in various ways. Wrong, it's drugs and other pharmaceuticals or corporate bug spray. Nope, it's a tea bag application ( if you know what we mean.) You fools , it's toothpaste. No, all wrong it's simply don't scratch and shut up. What?, its yoga stupid. or is that yogurt? Almost, but it is what you eat, or not. Ahhh, you just use some household staple. Don't have dogs, cats or chickens. Don't sweat. Get a direct flight to some polluted city. Die.

La Manz scores big

if enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods

 

    Recent studies conducted by the Jalisco dept of highways have given Lamanz top billing in the state for many of the categories they gather statistics on. And that's no small amount. All statistics are on a per capita basis which probably is the reason Lamanz scored so high....after all it's not that big. Despite the ridiculous amount of pters who clearly are really big and important. 



    The first top score is for the greatest number of privately owned motor vehicles per household. (cars trucks motor cycles scooters atv's etc)

    The next is for the greatest amount of kilometres driven while covering the shortest distance.

    In the next category, Lamanz's score was off the charts. Greatest amount of unregistered vehicles operating on public roads.

    The final high mark goes for the greatest number of unlicensed and underage drivers operating vehicles on a regular basis. Lamanz just barely squeaked out first place in this one.

    All in all, Lamanz did take top honours in four categories which in itself is the greatest for any community in the state. Lamanz ... you are the greatest. Or so we have been told.

 

 

Annual migration blues

 

never argue with a fool - people might not notice the difference 



    Fear and panic, as well as loathing. and yes, love are sweeping across our local community as the babble has moved to 'when they will be arriving? '. Some are firmly still in denial as they push aside any concern stating that it's really not until December, and anyways with the economy bla bla bla. Others are proud almost that they have the definitive list of arrival dates for practically every single person. Some others are simply packing up now and heading up north where at least our pters wont be! So there! Then there are the few that are stocking up on goods that they can sell to the pters at unreasonably inflated prices. Many others are desperately searching for anyone to bring down some item unavailable here.  A few  are swimming in their beer wondering where all the time has gone, Sniff, sniff. And those across the table are counting the seconds until some new people arrive to talk to. (anyone, please!) And finally,(for now) others are excited and thrilled as the tourists bring business. Or at least something new to laugh about.
 

 

 

 

Oh no, not again, again.

men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted

 

 

    Sorry, but yes, It's getting close to that time of year again. This is the announcement of the nominations for the most pathetic character of the year! Imagine a wild cheering audience. Where has the time gone? As usual, the list is already quite extensive. Remember we are always  accepting nominations for this prestigious award via our email, or comment section. .

want ads revisited

you have taken yourself too seriously

 

 Help. I am a loser drunk who needs some surgery on my leg. I promise to tell everyone I know about how great you are until my surgery is complete and I've had a few.

Looking to sell fancy canoe (or some other item) for a price I couldn't dream of actually getting in Canada or the states. Slightly damaged but still has fancy name on side.

looking for labourers to work at half price and smile. Blindly nodding, while I bad mouth you to various gringos about your shoddy work and exorbitant prices, would be an asset.