La Manzanilla gets runaway wheel chair ramp
saved in lamanz
CHORUS (F/C/F/G/C/F/G/C)
I'm going to lamanz, I'm gonna get saved
I'm going to lamanz I'm gonna get saved
I'm going to lamanz cuz that's ...where.... they
STANZA 1 (C/F/G/C/F/G/C)X2
..save all the cats they save all the dogs
they save all the turtles they save all the frogs
they even save those grey old tarts who sit on their arses and let out farts
and
they save all the babies that 'they deem good'
and bemoan a lost log ..it's just dead wood!!
they even save old tile scraps which most of us consider just plain crap. so...
CHORUS
STANZA 2
.. save all the locals who come crawling on their knees
they save all their empties in the name of mmm jees?
they even save old puke chunks for at the art walk, well their worth some bucks
and
they save all the photos and oh my lord they post them daily on the message board
they save all their time for their own sort and tell all the others to go back north
they even save their stupid views, nah that's not even remotely true
so.....
CHORUS (first 2 lines fade out)
save the gringo safe zones
A new pamphlet written by Lamanzs own famous author (not any of us for sure) has just gone on sale and is the complete guide to locations along the Costa de Allegre for places that cater to gringos. Places where the only Mexicans are bi-lingual service people, and English is the only language to be heard. It also contains a comprehensive list of places to avoid. Specially made signs depicting the safe zone are in the works and will soon be available to those businesses that can prove their safety. For a list of places in Lamanz check their website: www. loonbag.com. And of course a committee has been set up to further enhance this valuable product.
The last saved 'as the mud slides.'
later,at the taco stand, Carlos and Larry are sitting at a table.
Carlos- so how are the rentals going?
Larry- not too bad, those 2 lawyers from Washington state just left.
Carlos- oh yeah, how were they?
Larry- Pretty civil, no problems, but i noticed when i was cleaning up that all the forks were missing
Carlos - The forks?
Larry- yeah, as in cutlery.
Carlos - what for?
Larry- ya know Carlos, weird shit like that happens all the time.
Carlos- like....
Larry- Last year these Swiss girls left this big garbage bag stuffed in the freezer. I figured fish or meat but noooo, it was lingerie. about 50 pieces of lingerie stuffed in the freezer. Don't ask me why Ive thought about it for a year and still have no clue. Another time all the linen went out the door.
Carlos - at least you have an income.... and lingerie.
Larry- yeah right. To be honest, with all the petty shit and headaches its not that good. The money barely covers the expenses and all the restocking for all the shit that sprouts legs. I have to buy pillows, sheets, towels every year without fail. And now forks. There is a water issue of some kind every week or two, always something. Not to mention the twisted melodrama of the tourist. Last year that drunken blond from Saskatchewan or some damn place comes into my apartment pissed up at 3 in the morning and just gets into bed with me.
Carlos - what? Melinda? She was sure cute.
Larry- Not passed out and slobbering on my sheets let me tell you. And snored like a freight train.
Carlos- Did you do her?
Larry- Man you've been hanging out with too many gringos. You should go on holidays, they say Mexico is nice this time of year.
Carlos -Hahaha. So got any rentals coming up?
Larry- A few. Some gay couple from New York. That should prove to be real head turner. Then, there's 3 Mexican families for a week. Its amazing I've had them for a few years. There's like 50 of them and they all squeeze into that one bedroom suite. They must stack cause i don't know how they would fit.
Carlos- Alright man good to talk gotta get back to the bar before the boys fuck something else up.
Larry- Yeah, take it easy.
save the dogs
A street dogs opinion of the returning gringos. It's like the old time orphans-train in reverse. The lucky few get a few months of food and grooming. The promise of being plumped up for the long off season has the most vicious mutts doing the cute thing. Filthy mangy flea bitten cancerous hobbling bone racks try to at least get into less unflattering light. Repugnant death smelling hairless three legged one eared tail-less mongrels sit themselves profile in a breeze in the hopes of landing a dog lover. Other leukemiatic blind deaf stumbling shaking tongueless tic bags just wait in a heap of garbage hoping for a long shot. And any one of them will accept the derision of those less fortunate for this golden opportunity.
speaking of.... (from the novel in the works 'Weirdos on the beach.')
Fortunately, the tide has turned and along with the ocean receding, so are the gringos. Leaving behind at least a beach freer from all their weirdness. Although a good many gringos stay clear of the beach, preferring to sit on their (ahem) decks viewing it from afar, there are those who still come. Many appear to be outright crazy. One recent example was a woman and her dog. When she reached the edge of the water she let her dog off its leash. It immediately made a bee line, scattering people, chairs and tables in order to accost another dog sitting quietly with its master. The two dogs immediately ran off in a playful manner fully enjoying themselves. The first dog's owner marched up to the group of folks rearranging their scattered belongings and loudly demanded to know who the owner of the other dog was. When the poor sap identified himself, she immediately marched right up and into his face and spouted off a few lines of bull shit about her expert knowledge of animal behaviour, and that his dog showed all the signs of being vicious and dangerous. All against the backdrop of the 2 dogs frolicking gaily in the surf. 'What could I do?' the owner was later quoted as saying. 'Her dog storms in here, they run off playing and I'm a bad ass harbouring a dangerous dog. I said nothing, just stared. That only infuriated her more. She finally turned on heel and stormed off, but not without hurling numerous expletives in my direction about both me and my dog.'
save the kids
Sad little Mexican girl sucks the local tourists in.(again!) Now with her 3rd (or is it 4th?) child in tow she is again the latest 'cause'. What was everyone doing 4 years ago with the first kid? Same thing. Trying to help someone who simply didn't get it. This 'responsible' mom now has numerous kids in tow; fathered by various riff raff dogs, each of which she was well aware of before hand. And with all the raff around she should be pregnant again next year, just in time for further assistance. This will probably be necessary as father #2 has returned after hearing of the latest windfall. Unfortunately some non writer for us has come up with a sillier tale than ours- baby trafficking! Our hats off to that lunacy, and we admit we should have come up with that. That should teach us to take a few months off. We doubt it though.
save the wood
Every season brings a little sadness with the passing of some of our oldsters and some not so old. Of course what really brings out the sympathies around here is the death of a dog. (Certainly not any dog but only those considered good. Sorry Wilson, you don't count with these folks.) We thought that strange enough, but when the swell of sorrow started flowing for a washed up tree stump, well, one must really wonder about all these sympathies that seem so misplaced.
Speaking of ... (From 'Weirdos on the beach')
Another example of weirdos on the beach was the recent logjam of gringos who got upset about some one who (gasp!) cut up an old washed up log. There were many who figured it was just another unsightly piece of washed up tide wrack spoiling an otherwise pristine beach. But the weirdos claimed the marine debris was a part of mother nature and should be left as is. Quite possibly the same washed up weirdo stumps who bitch about the slow cleanup of the rocks on the beach after the rainy season. (definitely a work of mother nature.) The tragedy of losing a spot for photo ops had many a weirdo doing some sort of midnight tree stump pagan jelly fish dance at the cairn marking the spot. Next season expect these weirdo stumps to be haranguing children collecting shells and shiny little rocks.
save the minds.
Many of our local folks have been suffering from various health issues which are being blamed on supposed air borne pathogens or some such excuse. The biggest presenting problem is clearly not the wheezing and coughing but the apparent widespread Alzheimer's. One doesn't even need to go out to be exposed to the enormously abundant amount of what may best be envisioned as coming from the mind of Cervantes. From baby snatchers from the north to dog thieving aliens from space the list of tales is getting all the more inane. It may be well advisable that folks wishing to retain whatever marbles they have left to start wearing some form of mask to filter out these toxins. Good luck.
