Golfing news
Last week saw the playing of the first and last annual non-golfers mixed golf tournament. The event took place at the santiago golf course under perfect weather conditions. Teams of four representing Barra Melaque and Lamanz made up the field. Things got tense right off the bat when Barra called foul because they got 2 pitching wedges in the drawing to see which team got which clubs from the two rented bags. People from Lamanz then cried foul because none of them knew what a pitching wedge was, and assumed that Barra must have ringers amongst their team to know that two piching wedges was not a good draw. The referee settled the argument by allowing the teams to trade. The referee, divot replacers and of course the two driving the beer cart were courtesy of Bar de Gus. Their presence was good for moral support for the soon worn out non-golfers, not to mention that their presence livened up the scenery. The female participants viewed the presence of Bar de Gus girls as sexist and threatened to walk off the course. Fortunately, margaritas from the beverage cart chilled the situation and play was ready to begin. With tthe arrival of 3 buckets of balls (per team) the great event got under way. There was lots of swinging and missing, balls going off in all directions, with one unlucky fellow hitting the ball directly into his own eye. As things moved along the non-golfers settled into the groove and were mostly moving forward towards the greens. The club pro said that the Lamanz team had just set a new course record for the longest amount of time for a foursome to finish one hole. Fortunately the service from the bar cart was prompt and friendly. The match had a couple of spectacular shots, relatively speaking, and lots more that were shit, but the non-golfers endured. The team from Melaque dropped out on the 4th hole when their brownies took effect. The team from Lamanz lost over half their alotment of balls on the hole with the pond, and thus ran out before finishing. They were disqualified. All team Barra had to do was finish to take the honors. The bored crew filming the event decided to have a golf cart race between the eliminated teams so they could get a little action. And what action they got. A spectacular crash with both carts landing in the water. There were no injuries and the management saw fit to throw everyone off the course leaving team Barra unable to finish. The referee called the match a draw. The divot replacement girls had to be resussicated countless times, and the girls delivering the beer were called the winners. In the statistics, the least amount of shots for one hole was eight for Melaque, a par 3 of course. With the most going to Lamanz with 27. It was all fun and if you missed it, you missed it, This tournament will never be held again, although videos are available for 250 pesos.
Bocci ball news
A scheduled championship match on the beach had to be cancelled when half the participants opted to watch curling on the tv instead. Alberta won, making most wish they had played bocci.
Sailing news
The second annual sailboat regatta was held Saturday past and many eager spectators flocked to the beach. All were seriously disappointed when they found out this was not like last years one. There was no free beer, no free food, and no girls in bikinis, as there was no sponsor. A hand full of boats participated in the race but there was no audience as they all went home in disgust or some place where they had to pay for beer. One disappointed would-be spectator said 'watching a sail boat race is like watching paint dry. Without the onshore activities to keep it interesting ... who gives a shit'. As for the race itself the boats spaced themselves out so as no two were so much as even close to each other, and they followed each other around the course. It truly was about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Pan handling gringos
Melaque in the past weeks has been full of down and out gringos who were finding themselves without enough cash to buy a beer. One Lamanz resident was forced to shine shoes (with his shirt) to get bus fare back. The reason, new cash machines at the bank. Two lines were formed in front of the bank, one to see if the cash machine gods were going to be good and the other of pan handling gringos with their hands out to those who had been shined apon. The problems with the new ATM is a fine example of technology turning around and biting you on the ass.
Watch those holes
For the past few weeks an out of town crew have been pumping and vacuuming the sewer lines. The purpose of this exercise is not known but it does give the impression that something is being done to improve the system. Come summer when the rains come the system will automatically be flushed clean. Meanwhile Lamanz residents are being treated to a trail of broken manhole covers, following the crews progress. Beware if you ride a bike or motorcycle as some of these spots could be lethal.
It keeps coming
Water is periodically seeping from the manhole by the mangroves. Probably when the pump is shut off in order to keep the electricity bill down. Although it is only a small amount, not even enough to flow all the way into the lagoon, it sits in puddles on the street until it evaporates. Making the crocodile viewing site smell like shit.
esquimo pye and ... episode 23
Apparently the great chicken dog guide had again appeared to the Pye. Claiming a misunderstanding the guide chicken thing explained the concept was to harrass annually, and not to weasel a restauranteer into harboring the mutt. Clearly an understandable error.
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