some of whatshisfaces shit

                                     Old whatshisface is gone but not forgotten. 

An incomplete assemblage of one of our lately departed contributors. 

                                                               Eat your hearts out

With lots of folks gone for the season, the matronly (?) old hens that weather out all year round here, are in a quandry has what to do. With gossip down to a minimum, they have come up with a brilliant idea......A Competition! Since most already resemble the north end of a south bound bus, the fat ass competition has come about. A gateway one meter wide has been set up in a local watering hole, and the first contestant that can't fit through without touching both sides will be the winner. There will be two wagers available to the general public with the winner of the competition collecting half the pot. #1 wager will be the first not to fit, you bet on your favorite. #2 wager will be the date that the first person doesn't fit. The contestants are estatic : comments have been heard like"no longer do I need to feel guilty about laying around watching tv and eating junk food, now I can do it all day long". Another said "no more walking for me, I'll ride the scooter everywhere, even to the bathroon if it will fit". And of course several were grinning wide, knowing they can consume all of the alcaholic beverages they can hold. It sould be a very interesting competition, check the message board for further betting instructions.

From our poet laureate

Bowdan had a pretty white ford ranger

decals of ghosts adorned the rear glass

with high mileage it seemed close to danger

for him it was time to sell it at last

Just dave really needed more transportation

much like he needed a hole in his head

the truck so nice he succomed to temptation

and found himself handing over the bread

Jimmy convinces dave to sell his new wheels

and bobby does fancy jimmy's old truck

soon everyone is agreed and makes their deals

and with two cars dave is no longer stuck

since both vehicles reside in the others' town

an exchange needs to be worked out

bobby will drive the new ranger down

then buy the other, and turn about

bobby takes gail and they set off together

speeding through manzinillo like a couple of loonies

but here one wrong turn leads to another

and three hours later they're lost in the boonies

arriving back with tails 'tween their legs

they set off the next day with determination

past manzinillo and now zihautanejo begs

'cept the clutch, goes on permanent vacation

after repairs and many a bus ride

the intrepid two are on their way and yet

forty clicks further south do they glide

until the truck blows a head gasket

expensive repairs and many more busses

the truck to la manzanilla does return

the fix, it sucks... and the truck still misses

so now it's the local mechanics concern

repairman to repairman it does go

and finally one says he can fix it

after much time and lots of  pesos

its back and still runs like shit

FREE PANCHO

In taking a tour of the newly constructed crocodrilario you snake through the mangroves on what will undoubtably soon be a rickety raised boardwalk. In passing you will notice that the boardwalk passes through an area where no crocodiles can be viewed. Until you come to the concrete enclosure. In here you see crocodiles. Behind the steel bars and the linked fencing of pad locked pens are two shallow cement ponds. One has about eight small to medium size crocs, refugees from another location.  The 2nd pen contains the pictured croc. His name is Pancho and this is his solitary confinement cel.  What is Panchos crime? Just being a crocodile. He once lived in Boca de Iguanas, where he was happy and fat lunching on what ever came by. His tactical error- too many pet dogs came by and he ate them too. Now, if a dog is so stupid as to run loose where they know there are hungry crocodiles, why should this croc have to pay?  They are, after all ...  duh, crocodiles. In todays atmosphere of protecting endangered species why are these kind of measures being takin just to protect a bunch of stupid dogs? Some of these are probably the same stupid dogs that slept as their owners houses were being robbed a short time ago.  However,if we instead find fault with the stupid owners of the stupid dogs, well... same argument.  Here at "The Eye", we want to see pancho released so he can return home and do what he does best... keep the stupid dog population down. We are also currently looking for ideas on combatting the ever increasing stupid dog owner population.



LLANTERO

You should never go out in the woods alone or ever go to méxico because the wolf will eat you or for sure you will get ripped off. Or both. I was carefully driving down a back street in Mazatlan when I ran over some heavy construction wire that put four holes in my front tire.  Help!  Call 911.  No call a llantero, one that fixes tires.  He arrives on time with his truck, compressor, long metal bars, rubber patches and lots of glue.  Fifteen minutes later the tire is back on and he wants 15 dollars. Ripped off again!  So I was able to talk him into $20

Altercation in Cihuatlan

A local restauranteer was observed in the bodega store in Cihuatlan picking up frozen entrees and other supplies to serve in her restaurant, when all hell broke loose. Said restauranteer was ripping some poor stockboy a new ass hole because a juice container had a dent in it, and the whole store apparently needed to know about it. When questioned about it, the store manager just shrugged and said we call her the 'bruja de la manzanilla'. She carries on about something every time she comes in. We just think of her as a bad joke and certainly don't ever desire to even go to her restaurant. We just thank our lucky stars she lives there and not here.

House Sitting Nightmare

My wife and I retired last year, jettisoned everything, and hit the road in our suv with what belongings it would hold. After leisurely traveling south through the US and northern Mexico we arrived in La Manzanilla, a town we were strongly urged to see. We weren't disappointed and immediately fell in love with the place. Soon we joined the rest of the gringos lining up at the real estate offices.

  One night, after several margaritas, my wife said, "I think we might be a bit hasty in looking for real estate, what about house sitting first? I saw several ads looking for house sitters on the message board."

Not long after, we were being interviewed and shown about by a delightful couple, who told us that we would be perfect- if we wanted to take the position. Their house is beautiful, up on the hill with a 'to die for' view of the bay and of the quaint little village below. Besides the view, there is a pool, A.C., fully equipped kitchen, washer, dryer, internet, maid and gardener. Our only responsibilities would be to keep everything fixed up if it needed 'fixing up', pay the gas and telephone. and take care of the dog which came with the house.

  The morning after we take the job, we are sitting on the patio enjoying breakfast and the view when the gardener walks in, unannounced. We called him Nimwit. What was he doing here? He was only supposed to come three times a week and this day wasn't one of them. Before I could ask him, he disappears into the kitchen, gets stuff out of the refrigerator and starts making himself breakfast. "Whats going on" I asked. He said to me quite calmly "you started eating without me, so I have to fix my own". "What?!!" yelled my wife. "This isn't even your day to work!". As he slopped grease all over the stove, he looked up and said, "I didn't come to work today, I've just come for my meals. what time is lunch and what are we having? Meals every day, but sunday, is part of the deal I have here, I like lunch about 2pm.". We were flabbergasted at this omited detail and told Nimwit we didn't eat at 2pm, and weren't going to start, and that he wasn't welcome for any meals. After much arguing, a compromise was met: We still had him for breakfast and we would pay him $50 per day to go and get his own lunch. After finishing his breakfast he announced "Since you're not giving me lunch I might as well leave." My wife said "What about all the mess you made, you are going to clean it up?" He said as he headed out the door, "The maid comes today, she will take care of it".

The maid didn't come that day, but he was right, she was supposed to. After finally reaching her by telephone,( we decide to call her Surly) she tells me she didn't come because I wasn't there to pick her up. As I hung up I screamed "Son of a bitch, what else were we not told about?". My wife comes in and looks at me and said "How about we have no water.". There was no contingency for water on our list of numbers, that we could call in case of different emergencies. We decided to call the 'emergency-only guy.' The fellow at the other end was slightly less than friendly, but did say he would relay the message to the water man. The water man called the next day and told us he hadn't filled up the tank because the account was 2 years in arrears. Fortunately the water bill was not very expensive, but it wasn't part of the deal either.

  Now we started to think about the phone and the gas which 'were' our responsibilities. The gas had about an eighth left in it, so i called them and they assured me that they would get up to us next week. The phone wasn't so easy. No one knew where i should go to get the bill, but apparently once i got it, the paying was easy. After running around in circles all day, the best information I got was 'maybe try the office in Melaque.' "Manana" i mumbled and headed back on up the hill.

  Slowly we were getting into the groove. Nimwit for breakfast, driving Surley to and from her house, and dealing with one 'needs to be fixed' problem after another. At least the dog was turning out to be quite a joy.
  The next day, we discovered there was no internet, and of course the phone was dead too. I was off to Melaque, my wife needed to wait for the gas truck. Another day of running around. From Melaque to Manzanillo, one office to the next. Finally, after paying an exorbitant reconnection fee, I'm told the phone should be on in the next few days. The week passes and things are looking better. The phone worked but the gas truck still hadn't arrived. Over the weekend the gas ran out, and we were hit with the first rain.

  On Monday when i phoned the gas company, I was informed that now that the rains had started there would be no deliveries on the hills. Nimwit then tells me that if I couldn't supply him with hot breakfasts he wouldn't be coming any more. So we take off in search of a blue cylinder. The drive down the hill was quite a shock. Although not too much rain fell, the road was a mess and 4-wheel drive was a must to get back up. It scared the shit out of my wife. We got the gas at the mind numbing cost of buying a new and filled blue bottle. We managed to make the hill and got the tank in place, only to discover that we didn't have the right connections. I called the plumber and told him of our predicament. He told me he could get the necessary hardware "manana" but his truck didn't have 4-wheel drive, so I would have to drive him up and down.. No problem, I figured whats a couple more trips?

  Later that evening the dog got sick, and was looking in real bad shape by the morning. So it was off to the vet only to be told that I needed to take it to Melaque. After several hours there, I am informed that the dog would have to remain overnight. After returning to Lamanz, the plumber couldn't be found, so it would be another night without gas.

  It rained like hell during the night, and in the morning we got a call from the vet saying that the dog could now be picked up. I had a bad feeling about the road, but i had to get the dog. The road was absolute shit, and half way down it ceased to exist as anything one might even call 'a road'. Trying to get back up, the suv got stuck. On foot I slogged it down some muddy stairs and finally arrived in town. At the delegacion I asked how soon the road would be open... and was told, after much guffawing,'in the fall'. I had to hire a back hoe and it took the rest of the day to make the road passable and get the suv unstuck. The rear bumper would never be the same.

  The next day I gingerly slid down the hill, picked up the dog, and really expensive medicines in an infinitesmally small bag, found the plumber, and got him up and back. After our first hot meal in days and many strong margaritas, we finally sat back enjoying the view while wondering 'whats next?' That question was answered quicker than we could have imagined when we watched this huge black angry cloud form over the ocean. The next 2 days brought a steady torrential downpour, the likes we had never witnessed before in our lives. No Nimwit, no Surley, low on drinking water, really low on supplies and the dog had started to throw up. The back hoe operator tells us he will come get us as soon as conditions allow. He also states "that if we had any smarts we would get the hell out now and not come back."

  We were about to take his advice when he finally showed up... a week later. The dog had fortunately improved. But only after even more expensive drugs in an even smaller bag. When we finally got a hold of the owner, and told him what happened, he was outraged. He said we signed up for the summer and that was what he expected and he didn't give a shit about anything else, and if we didn't hold up to our end of the bargain, he was going to sue us etc. etc. etc.
  Needless to say we decided that La Manzanilla was not our kind of place. We are quite happy with the dog, though.  

House review of the month

This four year old charmer, was originally built as a spec house by one of La Manzinilla's "notorious three" builder/architects. In the case of this one, it looks like the architect was desperate to come up with something different, so he threw away his straight edge and slopped together a bunch of circles, coming up with something far more pleasing to the eye, with numerous totally useless spaces inside. Located at the side of the arroyo it sits on the side of a hill with a view of the arroyo; come summer time it could easily be water front property. From the road below, the house is accessed by a winding, undermined, hand- rail less stair way, that climbs up the steep grade that is the yard. The drive way off the road is big enough to park one vehicle and can easily be accessed by a high clearance 4x4. A 6' high mesh fence surrounds the property detracting even more the visual appearance of the place while being a joke as far as security goes as is usual here in La Manz. The asking price is astronomical and the place wouldn't be a good value at half that. But we rest assured it will sell if only because of the price. An aspect of the multi faceted dumbness of gringos. 

 

house review of the month

As we are now falslely believing we are getting up to speed, we hope to include different categories other than just news. hahaha, news. anyways, it appears that just about everything real estate wise is for sale here. So we just had to have a peek at one.

    This months house is brand new (!). Finished a few months back and built as a spec house. Located on the other side of the arroyo on a charmless viewless lot. Or this side of the arroyo depending on where you are. Identical lots are beside it. for future spec houses? Hopefully not identical.

    The house is a cavernous box. the rest of the walled in lot has space for a pool and patio. The down stairs is one huge open space with a kitchen area. Enough space for a dance hall. A spectacular spiral stair case ascends to the second floor. Would certainly look right in a vanderbuilt mansion, but possibly a bit much for here. This floor contains three rather unassuming bedrooms. All with baths, though not necessarily in-suite. At the top of the stairs is lots more room, or space. Where a grand piano would fit. Too bad about the stairs.

    Besides the pool and patio in the rear, there is also a bar built just under the stairway. It is here the design team may have melted down. Is the bar supposed to be inside or outside? There is nothing under the stairway in the way of a door or even a window. Just a large opening to the outside letting in anything that flies, walks,or crawls. The house has been 'tastefully' decorated to attract a certain kind of buyer. Rich and stupid.

    The price has been extravagantly set at a number that would cause many a sane person to break out in hysterics. If such a person lives here. It's not like La Manzanilla is known for being a hot bed of intelligence. It's a win win situation.Mud sliding

the continuing saga of the gentrification of La Mansionilla

At the emporium Waldo, the owner, is in conversation with Annette. Annabelle slips in without being noticed.

Annette -Waldo you have a fine store here with all the necessary products from back home. So, how come you don't have employees that speak better English? Its hard to get what you want when you are not here.
Waldo- I know, but I have to hire Mexican employees to stay legal and open. It's hard to find any who are reliable, trustworthy and speak English.
Annette- What about that American owned bakery. They don't have any Mexican employees.
Waldo- I know, I guess because they are American they don't feel that Mexican law applies to them.
Annette- That is weird. Coming from that shit hole country how could they think they are better than anyone?
Annabelle-What the fuck!? (Annette's dog has placed its snout firmly up Annabelle's ass)
Waldo- Who's over there?
Annabelle- What makes you think you can come down here and let your mutt run around unrestrained. I bet you can't do that back in Canada.
waldo- How long have you been here?
Annabelle- Long enough to hear your little tirade about how fucked up Americans are.
Annette- Well, we didn't mean all Americans, some are okay. And for your information there are no leash laws in Mexico.
Annabelle- At least none that you are aware of you stuck up twit. Why don't you go back to Canada and wait the 2 years for the medical procedure to remove that attitude.Oh and by the way you can keep your fucking M&Ms. (she throws them on the floor, and stomps out.)
Waldo and Annette - Fuckin' Americans.

    Meanwhile back at the real estate office...

Wish- Let's have some tequila boys. (He pours out 3 shots. They all drink)
Gary- God damn it Wish, what is this shit? I thought you only got the best?
Ian- Really man, this is some bad assed shit to be giving to guests. I'll need a beer just to wash the taste out of my mouth.
Wish- I don't have any beer.
Gary and Ian in unison- What!!?
Gary- No beer. What the hell is going on here?
Wish- There's no point in having beer if i don't have a fridge. I sold it to buy the tequila.Why don't you drop the price you want for your house and then I may be able to move it and be solvent again for a few months?
Gary- Whats the point of building it if I cant make a hefty profit from it?
Ian- You are never going to get rid of it while that blog exists. We need to get rid of it.
Gary- Look there it's that Wilma chick. She's behind it, I mean she's here all the time and is pretty outspoken.
Wish- Nah, it can't be her. She care takes houses here. Doing the blog would be like shooting herself in the foot.
Ian- She does have a limp. Anyways we need to get our heads together and figure it out.
Wish- Amen to that.
Gary-But in the meantime we should just find someone to blame. It doesn't matter who, as long as we make someone the pariah. Then at least everyone can blame them, and thus everything will be seen as okay and all criticism will be seen as  the drunken opinion of one loser.
All- hmmmmm.

Clear!! ZAP!!! We got a pulse.

Now Mrs eye, we are just going to give you this little shot........

It's clearly a while since we have put anything out for consumption. Did we die maybe or have things become sane?  Have people matured and developed?  Is everybody happy?  Not bloody likely. At best, they are simply the same outrageous acts of silliness with only the names and some minor details changing. And if we have learned anything it's rarely ever the best.

It sounds more and more like lamanz is actually a part of the usa. The talk about how the american president is so bad is a daily event unless you hide out in your house. Even then, don't turn on any media.  Likely no one goes a day in public without hearing at least one of the seemingly endless amounts of slanderous comments about someone they probably do not know nor have ever met and who doesn't live anywhere remotely near here. Yet we are  passionately told he is going to ruin our existence, destroy our world and lure us all into living hell. That is some boogey man. Of course most people should have learned long ago that the boogey man was made up by our controlling overlords. Mom and dad we used to call them.  

Covidiocy is rampant. Are we the only people who think it's doolally that so many are in terror of the flu? Has everyone just tossed away common sense and critical thinking skills and only listen to what the fear mongering media says? Or some local royalty and entourage pontificating away online? This quack says, that quack says, here a quack, there a quack. Is everyone a quack quack? Wear a mask they say or yell. Less oxygen affects your critical thinking. We assume this with the support of  history, first hand knowledge, direct  observation, common bloody sense and even science.  Social distance they oxymoronically preach. Apparently a virus can only travel six feet, or 2 meters in Canada or 1.5 meters in Mexico. And even that changes depending on which space you are in. Oxxo it travels less than a meter, in Banamex it goes a meter and a half.We guess it's the cold weather that increases the distance. Shut down businesses because, umm, people should be more destitute. The rich certainly need to be richer and the state more controlling, at least that's the obvious given we're getting. People, covid 19 is the flu. Wash your hands, stay home if sick. If you are older and have some health issues, stay home. It's pretty simple. Its been the way to do it for thousands of years. Or ignore history, we should (!) all know how well that turns out. 

Do you notice how both previous spews have the same underlying poison. The propaganda media monster (that claims it's news) underlies both madness induced rantings by way too many. The local message board gives us all a who's who list of our very own local regurgitators of this waste. If nothing else, we at least know whom to avoid. And yes, we too are likely worthy of avoidance as well. So there's a  silver lining for everyone.Does that sound strangely like good news? If it is it won't lead.

Tamarindo, the local getaway for our owners, is expanding. That means more of them and closer. Expect to have at least one extra bone tossed our way. One would hope for something useful but it will probably be only a toy or a trinket. And we will take it away and gnaw on it protectively for a while. Resigning ourselves to the old and lame "at least it's something" attitude. Oh yeah, and do not forget to lick their hand. Or should we say their boots?

Hernan Macstorm slopped through town a while back. Turning roads to rivers and pools to mud pits.It has taken out a scary old bridge and some hill properties or parts thereof as well. Our resident construction critic was seen  pointing his finger in our face and yelling "see, I told ya! Hah, didn't I tell ya?" And he had been waiting for years for that moment. At least that's what it sounded like as he was being washed away. 

Granny used to say that we are all human beans in this big pot we call the earth So, we have bean (!) informed there is an new abnormal. We must stop beaning (!) human beanings . Cover your face , stay away from your kind, and above all never question the Orwellian doublespeak. It's a grand new legume. We will all beanverified, Have you bean shot? Where have you bean? Don't forget your face beanie. Don't you go bean in my space. Will we think it's bean a wonderful life? There should bean plenty of fodder for future satire when the mental health problems start bursting from the oxygen starved beans of the beanwildered.  

 

we're back by poopular demand

    We here were all hoping to slip into a comfortable retreat from the world of ignorance and insanity. Dave even said 'haven't we clearly pointed out the lunacy and madness of it all?" Well, clearly not. If anything the nut bars are multiplying, the lunacy is increasing, and the real truth is being deleted locked denied and threatened. It's the old 'move along now, there is nothing to see.' (or say as we would say.) Like Linda asked "if we cant laugh at you who can we laugh at?"

on a posting on the message board

we are sure shel wouldn't mind.

well, we're big assed gringas

we got gold on our fingas

we think we're loved everywhere we go

we spew about beauty and we spew about truth

every night at our drunken beach show

we take all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of thrills

but the thrill we've never knowed

is the thrill that will get ya 

when you gits ya picture

on a posting on the message board

message board -gonna see my picture on a posting 

bored - gonna respond 5 times and another

BORED- gonna see my bloated face

on a picture on the message board

i have a nearly free lady

named Maria O'Grady

who sweeps away all my shit

i have her old grey haired father

doing all the rest of it

we think it's all designed to blow our mind 

but our tiny minds wont really be blowed

like the blow that will get ya

when you gets your picture

on a posting on the message board

chorus

I've got a lotta little teenage brown-eyed girlies

that will do anything i choose

we got a genu wine bottle of tequila

taking our conscience away

i got all the friends our money can buy

so i never  have to be alone

we keep gettin richer 

but i cant get my picture

on a posting on the message board

portrait of an artist as a fridge magnet

lamanz will soon resemble the door of a fridge in a house with numerous children. Every child is an artist they say, so does that imply every artist is a...yes we will be soon be propping the fragile egos of the artist class. "ooh Billy that's such a good picture of a umm err ahh tree? House? Flower? Whatever it definitely shows a talent. And your poem about ummm errr ahhh peace? Love? Togetherness? Yes that certainly shows you have a unique insight into the human condition. Remember out there that this group is more sensitive than your average human being. They have a unique connection to the soul of man (and women of course . duhhh, but it needs mentioning due to the new Orwellian language laws) And when they snub you, take it as a call to self development, for they surely know the truth, although if you are not in the club the chances are slim you will be noticed at all. If you were only more in tune you would understand. Its definitely not a rudimentary skill in putting words together or slapping colors on a background or even plucking a few notes and chords on a musical instrument. Its a transcendental visionary quest into the meaning of life! Bless them these purveyors of beauty and truth. Without whom we would not have to make up laudatory remarks about a house, flower, or tree. And that just wouldn't be right. Please forgive us all in advance you artist folks, we are but simple people. 

"A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles"

thanks to Bierce

The undemocrat party from the united states has either bought off the local message bore's arbiter (of opinion) or the said individual is simply a shill for them and their agenda. We guess it's likely a tequila fuelled teen-like belief that there is but one truth and that of course is what oozes from the corporate media. What wikipedia says must be the truth especially if it agrees with what my other establishment media masters tell me."Hey, I googled it man!!!" There couldn't be a hidden agenda there, could there? Nope, we live now in a world almost completely lacking in the art of critical thinking, or logic even. It's all a regurgitation of what some website tells you is the reality. Don't dare to question or even point out any of the elephant-sized pies of hypocrisy, or fabrications present- if they are parroted by the left wings of the usa. On the other hand, feel free to point out opinions, slants-  hell, even facts, if it comes from the other wing. More so, please dismiss ridicule and threaten if you see fit. And don't worry if too many facts sour your propaganda campaign-  the conversation will be shut down in true red white and blue brown shirt fashion before you start to wonder. But before you ridicule us as some kind of right winger shill, we think both sides are full of lies, deceits and manipulations. If a balanced on bored discussion was truly allowed, this never would have been typed.

WOMENS MARCH ON TURKMENISTAN!

Women of La Manzanilla unite. Men,too. Join me if you want to hear your voices heard in Ashgabat all the way from Mexico! We will be marching with men and women from all over the world on the day after the election February 13. Beyond Ashgabat there are marches in numerous states,many with multiple locations and a number of countries. Join us in the jardin not just to protest the impending Berdimuhamidow victory, but to send a message to Ashgabat that no human is illegal, that we are our sisters keepers, and that women's rights are human rights! We will be meeting a few days in advance to create placards and pussy hats. More information will be coming out about location and march route. We'll start at the jardin at 10 am on 2-13. Lets come together --right now! Are you in?

stay tuned for information on marches on Ecuador Somaliland and Timor-Leste.

The path to enlightenment is rife with toll booths.

 If you wish to attain a higher plane of being, the cost is rising. Its not what you are giving up in terms of stumbling blocks, but finances. It's simply inflation, it simply costs more to give up the blocks. And don't try this at home alone. It must be done through a certified member of a company that is licensed to assist in your attainment of a higher plane. Don't accept false prophets who don't charge, clearly they are only in it for you. Always check to make sure your paid mental-spiritual developer is tightly woven into a system of economics. Remember, you can't possibly be happy and fulfilled without a payment schedule.The free truth we give you today is the more you pay the higher the plane. Please visit us at paynowtoenlight.com. 

solipsist season aka tourist season 

I truly am the only person in the universe.The world outside is just a figment of my imagination and I interact with it when I feel like it. which is all the time. I tell people what reality is because they simply won't know until I inform them, since i created them.  My needs, cares or desires are all that matters and others are about solely for my amusement.So, when you see me don't feel it's necessary to interact, I will decide that. If I feel like I need to tell you something, I will. don't worry, not that I care if you worry or not. The only reason you may think you exist is because I have imagined you. So when I barge to the front of the line or interrupt your banal conversations take it as a gift. I am allowing you to exist if only momentarily in my beautiful universe. Thank me gratuitously is the best way for you to exist for any length of time. You're welcome, now go.    

Okay then, that should keep our spleens vented for a good while. Good luck to you all, and remember that everyone always is somehow wrong. Yes yes yes , that clearly includes us, so you can save the comments. 

a few parting shots

It's with sadness or joy that we bring to you the hopefully last eye. We've said it all, and still the lunacy reigns. No surprise there but it just seems we are doing the same thing over and over. It's like we keep repeating. Again and again we keep spewing up the same old critiques. Time after time we.... ah never mind. Anyways the editor has finally decided to stop it as well and since she was always the one getting it together the remaining writer has been left with no outlet. Thank goodness. We must admit the death of 3 contributors within the last year or so didn't help either. We did manage to find some old bits and pieces and have slapped them together rather haphazardly into this post. So unless some live contributors suddenly show themselves.........

.carol burnett adios

I'm so sad we had this time together

just to listen to your whining lies

it seems you just get started on another pile of horse shit 

comes the time we get to say piss off.

if neil lived here 

oh to live in La Manzanilla

with the barking dogs and the coloured, er white buffoons

you act like you're 20

in La  Manzanilla

though we're thinking your a brainless gringo.... a brainless gringo

its so noisy at the square but all your 'friends' are there

and the tequilas  that you had with your mother and your dad

chorus

theres a girl down the street and you think she'd like to meet

you can see her turn and run as you stumble like a bum

chorus

now you're puking on your feet and you're sleeping on the street

and the people that you met shook their heads and left you wet

you say you're coming back from the boteneros in melaq

ain't it funny how you think no one knows you are a dink

chorus

super tourist.

drunker than a Irish miner, more pompous than an Oregon hippy. able to assess foreign cultures in a single phrase

look there in the square. its a nerd!

its a drain!(on our senses)

No!, its super tourist! 

Yes, its super tourist, strange visitor from a northern country who came to La Manzanilla with arrogance and stupidity beyond those of local men. Super tourist, who can change the course of foreign cultures, crush beer cans with the help of friends and who, disguised as brain dead, pussy whipped peon from a foreign country, fights a never ending battle for  injustice and the cheapest way. And now another mind numbing episode in the misadventures of super tourist.

newbie know it alls





each season brings a few more full timers in. suddenly they know it all, and worse, like too loudly express their ignorance (they call it knowledge) fortunately enough of them drop off every year as well, so the balance is maintained. 80 %  is it  a changing of the guards of ignoramuses. a whole new batch of loonies replacing the gone loonies. With a whole new batch of wackos one would expect a whole new batch of wacko behaviour. (we would hope) Unfortunately it probably wont happen that way and will just be new names on the same old behaviours. Maybe its time to install an ignoramus tax.

health of the community

we already knew most folks (not just here)were sick but this season brought in the physical aspects. almost everybody suffered from some sort of malaise lasting from days to glorious weeks. having so many  lain up for a week or 2 or 3 was quite frankly spectacular. the bull shit meter wasn't as high as in previous years and that is healthy.

silence is golden

the song whisperers came through town again a while back.Silently cooing old tunes that can only be heard from within  a few meters. The shushes were clearly the loudest noises heard, since even the quietest chatter was considered loud. It was the first time this season where 50 gringos together actually were silent. So bless them.

post this

This season our local message bored has been rife with local pictures. Except for the continuing shots of sunsets (at least 50 so far this year) many have been of quality and worth a peek. A picture is worth a thousand words it is said but when the first of those thousand words that comes out of your mouth is 'what the fuck' then it's time to shut er up. Pictures of plastic chairs and tables? we expect a whole series on dog poops or pop bottles to show up soon.

posters galore gore. 

  

     it seems from a cursory inspection that the local message bored is having its own competition. there are a dozen folks that seem to do nothing but put up stupid postings. is it a race. do they check their stats or wonder in the morning if they can come up with 3 or 4 postings by noon. is it how they measure their position in the community. even if they are thousands of miles away they still post. it may be time to charge for each posting. even 5 pesos would probably shut up a few of them. we thought of having a listing of the stupidest but we don't have that kind of spare time. Just analyzing the starr posts would keep us working for years.

help?

loud mouthed schnook volunteers run rampant. lumbering through time honored community organisations lik bull in a china shop, it seeks to control while expressing a pathetic need to be associated with something... anything. local groups are scrambling to find a polite way to say the door is shut while still keeping it open for other less largely offensive cattle.

drunkagains casa

just sit right back and you'll here a tale, a tale of a fate full trip

that started from a northern port aboard some mighty ship.

the mate was a mighty tall girly-boy, the wife an ugly slob, 

with numerous friends and family it's an ugly mob, it's an ugly mob .

the weather started getting hot, the noisy group were sloshed.

if not for the web and the message board all would be lost, all would be lost

the groups all hiding in a  bungalow deep up in the hills.

with Valium,  sun lotion too, tequila... and some lime.

there's a drunken whore, an artistic puss and the pompous ass

all in drunkagain's casa

this week's episode, drunkagain gets bit by a scorpion with hilarious results

so this is the tale of our cast of geeks, they're here for a few more weeks.

they'll have to bitch about everything, for daily it's a climb.

the mate and his wife as well, will bloat out with the rest,

and piss off all the locals in their tropical seaside nest

no respect, no brain no common sense, not a single quality.

like drunken dumb ass sailors , they're as ignorant as can be

so join us in a few weeks my friend you're bound to crack a smile,

when 7 tourist lunatics leave from drunkagains casa!!

how to clear the beach

time 

what is it about length of time here that so bamboozles and idiocifies the gringo population? It is always one of the first things asked. There is connected with the response some strange non-sensical idea that the longer one has been here the more 'special' they are. The more they can act like they are somehow superior to those who have resided here for shorter periods of time. Their insights are brighter, their opinions more intelligent, their biases more correct. They act like wise elders rather than the wizen oldsters they really are. As twisted as this is, there is also the supported response from those lower on the time spent continuum that may be even more off kilter. Never is the elder oldster questioned about the validity of time spent being the sole arbiter of 'what is'. Or isn't for that matter. Just because one has been in a place for a certain period of time is no justification for stupidity, or intelligence.  Although those who have been around here longer obviously will disagree since they obviously know more. It gets to ridiculous extremes when people actually lie about how long they have lived here. The insanity of this is repeated throughout the world, so don't feel so special... laddy.

i've seen every jerk 

I was walking back along the sandy old boca road

when along came a truck  driven by a gringo with a purple nose

if you're going to lamanz Dave with me you can ride

i barely make it inside when we're driven off the side

he  asked me then if I'd seen so many jerks in my whole life

and I said listen Dave I've seen every jerk in this whole land

I've seen every jerk man I've seen every jerk. 

the jerks are teen hos, big Joe's, chanting floes, loud mouthed schmoes

teen editors, song whisperers snobby sores, whining bores

addled artists, stinking fartists' smelling drunkards complainin' lard bags'

sarcastic (re)marks, hearts so dark, pompous birds, small minded turds  

shredded clothes on broken souls and  big dumb logger fools

I've seen every jerk Dave I've seen every jerk

media is the mess

    Newspapers galore. A sweet little info newspaper came out a few months back. Not to be outdone, another one was created. Is there suddenly so much news print worthy stuff or is this just the way it is. if one has some success then a whole flock follows. Is it a matter of time before we have 6 newspapers, 3 radio stations and 4 movie houses? 

bank on it

   Bank machine arrives with much excitement. Next year they plan on unpacking it and maybe plugging it in. Then another season will pass and money will be placed in it. Then the poor banker woman will then be inundated with unbelievably loud mouthed buffoons complaining and bitching about the bugs in the bank  machine.

the face of the town

The town's new official ambassador has taken up in his new official welcome station out on the first curve of the highway going south, Having passed the recruitment process with flying colors, he is now representing us all in his regal welcoming position, Clearly representing the best of what we offer: a lazy half wit bum with visions of grandeur (he claims to be both a lawyer and a doctor). He stands on guard in his tattered remnants on the corner or lounges on his throne of plastic and sticks, Often doing his best BC teacher impression he blandly stares through you.Welcome!

gringoho

New fashion accessory to hit lamanz this season.

 With the increased paranoia about ebola, this is likely to become a big hit this year. Local stores will be stocking supplies and savvy beach vendors will be making a few pesos by drawing little pictures on them. No ebola will be stopped but it may help with the numerous other airborne shite that emanates from out sewers. If nothing else one will clearly be able to tell the psycho paranoid from a good distance.

The well adjusted

Are you suffering from the winter blues? Feeling low? Lacking energy? Well, try out Lamanzanillactol. The new drug from Cockroche Industries. Possible side effects may include: inability to reason, lack of common sense, inflated sense of importance, tendency to racism, feelings that your opinions matter, inability to shut the fuck up. If you, or any of your ilk, are afflicted with these irritations, please see your doctor immediately. Back at home.

but does it rhyme

Art fails to change the world ...again. Local writes poem to stop thefts. How many cracked out thieves actually read?  And does some flippant assessment of drug abuse (just say no) help anybody? We have yet to hear someone state "oh my god you're right , what have I been doing. I will stop and get a honest job right now. It was the poetry that helped me see the error in my ways." Police will now be equipped with Wordsworths' Lyrical Ballads.

save their shit

 Dead peoples stuff. A new store is opening that will only carry the belongings of those that have passed on. Get a little piece of Joe or Bill or whomever's life. A cherished memory.  A family heirloom (of someone else) Recycle! Reuse! Its a win win situation! And you don't have to loot at the funeral, which is considered bad taste, although few seem to realise that.

tit

After the first week or two of joyous bliss and the shedding of nob stress, so many of our pters slip into the old behavioural patterns that likely cause all the stress in the first place. They must think we are friends as no one would hurl insults like they do at people they don't know. All the behind the back chatterabuse (often to your face) has seemingly grown exponentially with each new arrival. We guess it's true-  one shouldn't keep it in, but why save it up for the trapped locals?

tat

Why? You ask 'why'? It's obvious to us all who only visit. Oh you fters are so special aren't you? Been here, done it all, and tired and worn out from it. Buy a new shirt for Christ's sake! And those stains on your shorts... my god! You all are too relaxed and clearly need our help. You haven't even seen the beach in years and frankly have no clue about what is going on in the rest of the world. Did your knowledge stop when you crossed the border? The only sad part of coming here is seeing your wasted bodies still stumbling about. It pisses us off that with all the people dying every year-  you all seem to survive.

duh duh duh dumb

    The people are real, the cases are real, the decisions are final. Yes, the Judge Judy show was to be holding auditions for some specials to be broadcast right from our own little town. Unfortunately the overwhelming response by locals scared the producers away. They wondered how there could be more people applying than the local population, as well as the ridiculous number citing someone named 'ink' as the defendant. Auditions for 'The Real Housewives of La Manz' coming soon...

friends

 a couple o' excerpts from lamanzapaedia

best friend - the poor bastard that suffers all the repercussions for someone else's outrageously pathetic behaviours. When you hear the words 'you're my best friend' the wise response is to get out of there.

real friend - What pters call fters when they arrive, despite neither knowing the others real full name.

my friend- the person who buys the beer.

awards 



we are sure every one knows who is the most pathetic character of the year. we have mentioned numerous examples of his grand patheticness over the years and to be honest are sick and tired of relating the latest scam attempts. When will it end? Would some one please see them to the door? We feel we are letting others off the hook when we are continually being assaulted by this grand pathetic. So in order to move on, we will no longer give out the award. Just assume the same individual has won again. We are sure there will continue to be close seconds though, and will certainly dishonourably mention them.

 In keeping though with end of year awards, we introduce the Ramses trophy which will go to the individual who in the face of truth and honesty still believes he is the gods' gift to women. It should be a tight race this year with at least 2 Canadians in the running and one American. The leading runners as we see them so far, include the pea souper who has been at it for years now and despite the perfect record of failures still carries on. Despite not being able to see his own penis, he continually obeys its sickest wants. Which is usually your daughter. The other Canadian, uses his aboriginality to stun the local female population. That and his boobs. It must be the 'medicine' that firms up his hopes. The lone American employs drugs to delude both himself and the poor saps who may run into him. Poor mainly in that they always end up footing the bill.  We are sure there are others but will leave it to the commenters to add to this ever expanding list. Good luck, or watch out, depending on your gender.

Due to the passing of a number of our writers over this last year and a bit, the eye has been forced to downsize. (We heard that!) Interesting enough none of the them had anything of worth to put in the store and certainly won't be adding any more to this spewage. The rest of us say good riddance. You weren't funny anyways and kept repeating the same themes. Hmmmm, we guess prose changes nothing as well. Nonetheless, if you have a tale, or an idea, email us.

the last ride

    Woe is the gringo plight. Due to what we guess is a feeling of a lack of appreciation for organising one day to give appreciation to the Mexicans for their hospitality (the running line), the rodeos' gringo day has died . Rest in narcissism. Clearly not enough thanks have been given to the thankers. Or not enough money has been made by the givers. Rest assured this will in no way diminish the feelings of  grandiose self importance that so many of the gringos feel. And who knows, some schmuck may still  ride in on his white horse (or ness) and save the day. For every day must be gringo day.

paradise lost with an ocean view

 

The following contains immature material, viewer discretion is advised. 

 

 

 

paradise lost

 

    As part of their anniversary celebration Rick and Phyllis are returning to Lamanz, the place where they met so many years ago. With them for the ride is another couple they met on the plane who are also heading to  Lamanz. On the ride in from the airport Rick comments that things haven't changed much over the years, the airport looks the same and the rental cars have the same tires, judging by the lack of threads.  Phyllis explains to the hitch hikers that she and Rick met in Lamanz when they were both on vacation. They fell in love and had their wedding the following year on the beach.

    "We were just gaga over the place and bought a lot with plans on building our dream retirement home.... then the economy took a shit. and so did our plans. We couldn't even sell the dam lot, there were no takers. So we ate it. Who knows we still may own it." This will be their first visit back since those years and as they pass Cihuatlan and Melaque  Phyllis agrees that very little seemed to have change except for the kioskos and oxxos on every other corner.



   As they approach  Lamanz they notice the familiar mass of blue signs with symbols of the services and attraction to be found. Rick does a double take and slams on the brakes. much to the terror of the bus driver behind who just manages to miss them.  There, along with the signs picturing knives, forks, palm trees, and beds is a pyramid. Rick pondered over the concept of an archaeological sight in Lamanz. He had never heard of such a thing. 

   After they check into the hotel and settle in, they head out for the beach for the much anticipated margarita. As Rick leaves he asks the desk clerk about the ruins. The clerk says they are mostly located on the hill behind them but they are all over town. Rick asks the clerk what ancient civilization had lived here as he didn't remember any signs about it last time he was here. The clerk explains that the ruins weren't quite ancient but the government thought them significant enough to declare them an archaeological sight. They believe that  in the future the sight will be of interest and they better preserve it now. Rick was still bewildered and asked again what culture the ruins represented. "There's no culture really, a sub culture maybe," the clerk responded. He went on. "They are examples of the latest turn of the century homes of the gringo interlopers who came down to take over the place and civilize it. Just look up when you go out. If you want to do a tour there's Juan at the taco shop who does them. He does commentaries and histories of the various sites. He's quite good from what I've heard. Cheap and he speaks some good English." Rick thanked the man and went out of the hotel.

  When Rick hit the street and looked up, what he saw shocked him. What used to be a hillside with plentiful multi-coloured homes was now a massive tangle of various vegetation growing around over and through decimated concrete shells of structures long since emptied. Rick had to know more so after dinner that night they booked a tour with Juan for the following morning.

 

    Juan was banging on their door at the requested time with machete in hand, all ready to go. Phyllis and Rick have invited the couple from the plane to come along. Rick is surprised when they head across the road to the beach. but Juan explains that this is a more scenic approach and there are beach ruins as well. Juan begins his tale of the great downfall. It began the year when the world economy went down the toilet. It left almost everybody in financial dire straights. also that year we had the summer of non stop rain, which washed practically everything away. It washed out roads electrical services and a few houses. The rains devastation was major. All mountain roads were wiped out. The houses on the hills were inaccessible and the towns' streets were impassable. Few people had the finances left to deal with this major problem and simply never came back. Some scraped together a plane ticket, came down, surveyed the situation and with empty pockets ended up selling what they could and departed with the words 'fuck it.' Then another blow came with the moderate quake the following year. This brought down the houses that were already undermined by the rains. Take a look at this place up on the right as an example of the cheaper built places. You can see  the roof came down where a supporting column gave way. The whole place is shaky but you can see that it's still occupied by some brave squatters. They start to head up off of the beach and towards the hills and the main part of the walk. They quickly reach the end of a street that once went up the hill side.

    From there a vaguely visible rugged path meanders its way up. Juan takes the lead hacking away at the brush with his machete as they start their way up. Juan points out various ruined structures that can be seen poking through the thick vegetation. He states how the path was once a paved road. After a strenuous climb they arrive at the first site on the mountain part of the tour. They are told that this is the best vista of the tour and  offers the best views of the ruins. Juan tells them that someday an information board will be located at this site with info on all the ruins. Juan clears a spot for a better view and photos.  There ahead. perched on the side of a cliff, is what's left of a large mansion sticking up out of the lush vegetation, with what once was a million dollar view of the ocean below. The structure seemingly comes straight out of the hill and then just breaks off dangling over the precipice, held together by a few rusty pieces of rebar. Juan explains that when the deluge hit, water and mud came cascading down the hill side burying the rear of the house in mud and debris. The water channeled around both sides and completely washed out the soil in the front of the house. Apparently the builder forgot to put in a foundation. The unsupported weight of the structure caused it to break off like you see there. Believe it or not there used to be a swimming pool in front where there is nothing now. It was badly undermined with the rains and then the quake finished it off. After everyone had taken photos the group carried on around the hill onto an even more overgrown trail towards the next site.

    They could see the next big mansion ahead just before having to cross a narrow path perched on the side of a large wash out. This mansion, Juan tells them, is owned by an extremely rich gringo who has managed to keep the place reasonably maintained in the hopes of someday moving back. Where you see the damaged side wall there used to be another house attached. The washout we just passed is an arroyo that turns into a waterfall in heavy rains. When the contractor built the second house the arroyo wasn't obvious until he started excavating. A field engineer gave the go ahead and he got it built. So, it doesn't really matter how good an engineer you are, it's not a good idea to build in an arroyo. The rest of the places here and those we will encounter on the way back down are either dangerously undermined or filled with mud and mother nature has reclaimed the whole thing. They pass down an extremely steep trail that Juan tells them was also once a paved road. They then proceed back up again on what is the only maintained road in the area although not very long. When they get to the top Juan has them look over the side. Far down below they see the smashed up ruins of numerous homes. Juan explains how they used to be here where they are standing and that all were seriously undermined by the rains and then came down like a row of dominoes with the quake. He mentions how one apparently did a somersault on the way down. He points across the road to an overgrown embankment and tells them that it used to be the site of another large house, erected by unscrupulous builders who sat it on the top of loose fill and rubble. It all washed away in a heart beat when the torrents came.

   This marked the end of the tour and as they headed back down  Juan explains how in the future he hopes to have more trails cut so they get to some of the other sites of what was once "gringo gulch"

 

 Burning bits

 

    Bra burning hits Lamanz. We've also heard that there is this fun new band called the Beatles. Anyways, supposedly three people suffered back problems from having to lean so far down to light the things. Next year be here for the spectacular adult diaper torching event.

 

Walk of shame

 

   The inventor of the (gasp) wall hanger, or dog shit holder, or stair master and other self proclaimed wonderful people will now have a special day to go on and on about their spectacularness. An addition to the art walk has been added and will be called the know-it-all arrogant ass walk. (KAAW!) On this day you will be able to visit many of the local airbags, and personally hear about their greatness.  Note: climbing is required as most of the walk is up hills. A card will be given out (for a fee of course) with a list of the know-it-alls and a map. A card turned in with the most signatures of the know-it-alls will win a prize. A group therapy de-briefing session will be offered to any who turn in a card with 3 or more signatures.

 

 

"I like to watch" Chauncey Gardener

 

 We are so excited to hear about the piece of beach cam. Now we can only hope that the masses of dull watchers that infest the little town every year can just stay home and watch.  There is no need anymore to book flights, announce your impending arrival, and then to actually show up. Just stay home and turn on the machine. Nothing for years has so loudly proclaimed stay home as this. Technology, thank you.  

 

   

saved

La Manzanilla gets runaway wheel chair ramp





saved in lamanz

 

 

 

 CHORUS  (F/C/F/G/C/F/G/C)

I'm going to lamanz, I'm gonna get saved

I'm going to lamanz I'm gonna get saved

I'm going to lamanz cuz that's ...where.... they

 

 STANZA 1 (C/F/G/C/F/G/C)X2

..save all the cats they save  all the dogs

they save all the turtles they save all the frogs

they even save those grey old tarts who sit on their arses and let out farts

 and

they save all the babies that 'they deem good'

and bemoan a lost log ..it's just dead wood!!

they even save old tile scraps which most of us consider  just plain crap. so...

 

CHORUS

 

STANZA 2 

.. save all the locals who come crawling on their knees

they save all their empties in the name of  mmm jees?

they even save old puke chunks for at the art walk, well their worth some bucks

 and

they save all the photos and oh my lord they post them daily on the message board

they save all their time for their own sort and tell all the others to go back north

they even save their stupid views, nah that's not even remotely true

 

so.....

CHORUS (first 2 lines fade out)

save the gringo safe zones

    A new pamphlet written by Lamanzs own famous author (not any of us for sure) has just gone on sale and is the complete guide to locations along the Costa de Allegre for places that cater to gringos. Places where the only Mexicans are bi-lingual service people, and English is the only language to be heard. It  also contains a comprehensive list of places to avoid. Specially made signs depicting the safe zone are in the works and will soon be available to those businesses that can prove their safety. For a list of places in Lamanz check their website: www. loonbag.com. And of course a committee has been set up to further enhance this valuable product.


 

The last saved 'as the mud slides.' 

later,at the taco stand, Carlos and Larry are sitting at a table.

Carlos- so how are the rentals going?

Larry- not too bad, those 2 lawyers from Washington state just left.

Carlos- oh yeah, how were they?

Larry- Pretty civil, no problems, but i noticed when i was cleaning up that all the forks were missing

Carlos - The forks?

Larry- yeah, as in cutlery.

Carlos - what for?

Larry- ya know Carlos, weird shit like that happens all the time.

Carlos- like....

Larry- Last year these Swiss girls left this big garbage bag stuffed in the freezer. I figured fish or meat but noooo, it was lingerie. about 50 pieces of lingerie stuffed in the freezer. Don't ask me why Ive thought about it for a year and still have no clue. Another time all the linen went out the door.

Carlos - at least you have an income.... and lingerie.

Larry- yeah right. To be honest, with all the petty shit and headaches its not that good. The money barely covers the expenses and all the restocking for all the shit that sprouts legs. I have to buy pillows, sheets, towels every year without fail. And now forks. There is a water issue of some kind every week or two, always something. Not to mention the twisted melodrama of the tourist. Last year that drunken blond from Saskatchewan or some damn place comes into my apartment pissed up at 3 in the morning and just gets into bed with me.

Carlos - what? Melinda? She was sure cute.

Larry- Not passed out and slobbering on my sheets let me tell you. And snored like a freight train. 

Carlos- Did you do her?

Larry- Man you've been hanging out with too many gringos. You should go on holidays, they say Mexico is nice this time of year.

Carlos -Hahaha. So got any rentals coming up?

Larry- A few. Some gay couple from New York. That should prove to be real head turner. Then, there's 3 Mexican families for a week. Its amazing I've had them for a few years. There's like 50 of them and they all squeeze into that one bedroom suite. They must stack cause i don't know how they would fit.

Carlos- Alright man good to talk gotta get back to the bar before the boys fuck something else up.

Larry- Yeah, take it easy.

 save the dogs

 

   A street dogs opinion of the returning gringos. It's like the old time orphans-train in reverse. The lucky few get a few months of food and grooming. The promise of being plumped up for the long off season has the most vicious mutts doing the cute thing. Filthy mangy flea bitten cancerous hobbling bone racks try to at least get into less unflattering light. Repugnant death smelling hairless three legged one eared tail-less mongrels sit themselves profile in a breeze in the hopes of landing a dog lover. Other leukemiatic blind deaf stumbling shaking tongueless tic bags just wait in a heap of garbage hoping for a long shot. And any one of them will accept the derision of those less fortunate for this golden opportunity.

 

speaking of....   (from the novel in the works 'Weirdos on the beach.')

    Fortunately, the tide has turned and along with the ocean receding, so are the gringos. Leaving behind at least a beach freer from all their weirdness. Although a good many gringos stay clear of the beach, preferring to sit on their (ahem) decks viewing it from afar, there are those who still come. Many appear to be outright crazy. One recent example was a woman and her dog. When she reached the edge of the water she let her dog off its leash. It immediately made a bee line, scattering people, chairs and tables in order to accost another dog sitting quietly with its master. The two dogs immediately ran off in a playful manner fully enjoying themselves. The first dog's owner marched up to the group of folks rearranging their scattered belongings and loudly demanded to know who the owner of the other dog was. When the poor sap identified himself, she immediately marched right up and into his face and spouted off a few lines of bull shit about her expert knowledge of animal behaviour, and that his dog showed all the signs of being vicious and dangerous. All against the backdrop of the 2 dogs frolicking gaily in the surf. 'What could I do?' the owner was later quoted as saying. 'Her dog storms in here, they run off playing and I'm a bad ass harbouring a dangerous dog. I said nothing, just stared. That only infuriated her more. She finally turned on heel and stormed off, but not without hurling numerous expletives in my direction about both me and my dog.'

 

   

 

  save the kids

 

    Sad little Mexican girl sucks the local tourists in.(again!) Now with her 3rd (or is it 4th?) child in tow she is again the latest 'cause'. What was everyone doing 4 years ago with the first kid? Same thing. Trying to help someone who simply didn't get it. This 'responsible' mom now has numerous kids in tow; fathered by various riff raff dogs, each of which she was well aware of before hand. And with all the raff around she should be pregnant again next year, just in time for further assistance. This will probably be necessary as father #2 has returned after hearing of the latest windfall. Unfortunately some non writer for us has come up with a sillier tale than ours- baby trafficking! Our hats off to that lunacy, and we admit we should have come up with that. That should  teach us to take a few months off. We doubt it though.

 

 

 save the wood

 

    Every season brings a little sadness with the passing of some of our oldsters and some not so old. Of course what really brings out the sympathies around here is the death of a dog. (Certainly not any dog but only those considered good. Sorry Wilson, you don't count with these folks.)  We thought that strange enough, but when the swell of sorrow started flowing for a washed up tree stump, well, one must really wonder about all these sympathies that seem so misplaced.

 

Speaking of ... (From 'Weirdos on the beach') 

    Another example of weirdos on the beach was the recent logjam of gringos who got upset about some one who (gasp!) cut up an old washed up log. There were many who figured it was just another unsightly piece of washed up tide wrack spoiling an otherwise pristine beach. But the weirdos claimed the marine debris was a part of mother nature and should be left as is. Quite possibly the same washed up weirdo stumps who bitch about the slow cleanup of the rocks on the beach after the rainy season. (definitely a work of mother nature.) The tragedy of losing a spot for photo ops had many a weirdo doing some sort of midnight tree stump pagan jelly fish dance at the cairn marking the spot. Next season expect these weirdo stumps to be haranguing children collecting shells and shiny little rocks.

 

 

 

save the minds.

 

    Many of our local folks have been suffering from various health issues which are being blamed on supposed air borne pathogens or some such excuse. The biggest presenting problem is clearly not the wheezing and coughing but the apparent widespread Alzheimer's. One doesn't even need to go out to be exposed to the enormously abundant amount of what may best be envisioned as coming from the mind of Cervantes. From baby snatchers from the north to dog thieving aliens from space the list of tales is getting all the more inane. It may be well advisable that folks wishing to retain whatever marbles they have left to start wearing some form of mask to filter out these toxins. Good luck.